If No One Else

ᶜʰᵃᵖᵗᵉʳ ¹

1. c o l d m e t a l, w a r m h a n d s
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--------- c h a n d l e r ---------

His breath is hot and uneven against my skin, damp with effort as he grows more erratic with his movements.

His body is hard plains of sweat-clad flesh that begins to combine with my own- almost making my inebriated brain forget the difference between the two. Almost making me forget that this would end soon.

He moans deep, pressing the sound into my ear as he continues to push himself harshly inside of me.

He touches every inch of me- inside and out-and I don't feel like just myself anymore. And I should panic, and maybe a small part of me does, but it's the escape I've been hoping for.

For a second, he's my anchor to the world I so badly want to be released from. He's here to ground me, to show me why I should stay here a little longer.

I think... maybe this is what love is supposed to feel like.

The closeness, the conjunction and combing of two souls, raw and unrestrained, heady and emotional- Was this what it felt like?

Thoughts swirl through my head as I wrap myself around the boy, accepting all that he is-all that this moment is-as mine to keep.

He releases a deep groan as he pounds against my skin so hard that the bed shakes underneath his carnal assault.

Our inebriated brains focus on nothing but the feeling of ecstasy and unwavering pleasure as he draws closer to the end.

His body is warm and determined as he holds himself atop me- thrusting in and out as his hooded blue eyes bore into my own.

For the first time that night, I moan.

I can recognize the fact that it's not in a euphoric sense, but because this moment makes me feel like a normal human again. Each push brings forth the darkness that I try to hide, but I don't cower away in fear like before with him on top of me.

Together, I feel safe. With his body shielding mine, nothing could go wrong.

That's what this is-a fleeting moment of companionship, a brief escape from the travesties of my world. It's selfish, but I had long accepted the fact that taking is a part of human nature.

"Oh, fuck!" He breathes out blissfully as his head sinks into the column of my neck and continues to push himself deeper into my core.

He hides his vivid blues away from me, and the heat of his body no longer melts away the frozen barriers within me.

I feel a flash of ice cover the extent of my skin, and suddenly, I regret bringing the nameless boy upstairs as the lust-filled veil begins to lift from my eyes and I can see clearly now.

I keep still, waiting for it to be over, waiting for him to roll off of me so I can breathe again.

He isn't my anchor. He isn't my shield. He's just a young, horny boy whose hard dick had picked me to be his answer to a release for tonight.

My eyes close shut as the realization dawns on me for the hundredth time- I didn't want this.

Not in the same way I had thought I did twenty minutes ago.

My body tenses up as I mentally reject the idea of what's happening to me, while I feel the boy's body go stiff for a totally different reason.

I feel him shiver before he goes completely rigid as I feel his warm product coat my insides in a blazing trail of bad decisions.