car ride

Entry #2

Falling

For once I felt it, for the first time I knew, for that moment made me realize how I was already falling for you

For days, Rose has been trying to ignore me. Once, she was stuck in the board—facing a math problem that is quiet a challenge, then the teacher asked me to help her on the board. When I did, she was so awkward making me feel awkward too. I am sure that everyone in the whole country can feel it because at that moment when we touch each others shoulders, everyone felt quite.

Many more awkward interactions happened and it's cringy to even think about it.

I tried to ignore her too, but everytime she walks in the room every morning, she just looks more and more beautiful each day and I can't stop myself from looking at her. I don't know what to do when she's around—I feel this sensation in my stomach when we make eye contact— I even make cringy jokes when I know that she's close— I think I need therapy.

~

It's been months and it's already Valentine's Day. We've been talking—just small talks about schedules, group projects, and other school related stuff... Or I might have also pulled some cringy pick up lines and sending her signs about my feelings. I don't know if she notice it but everyone in our class has been shipping us together.

I am here, trying to figure out why people are only confessing their feelings to each other, in this particular day. Like, why don't they just do it on a "regular day"—that doesn't make any difference right?

I witnessed a confession from Yuan to his crush today. I even took part with it, making the "would you be my GF" poster—cutting out the letters and running errands–I even helped driving Yuan to the flower shop and also the chocolate store. This man really goes all out for that girl. And now, they are feeding each other ice cream, in front of me at the cafeteria.

All this "lovebirds" is making me think twice about relationships. Now I knew how second leads felt when the main characters go on a date.

Of course, I also thought about Rose from time this morning. But I never saw her come in the classroom. I hope she's not sick or anything.

"dude you should confess to Rose too" Yuan speaks with mouth full of ice cream and a hand over Janine–his former crush, now girlfriend.

"did your parents ever thought you manners?" I replied switching the subject and looking around for a yellow thick headband in a long dark brown hair.

"see? I bet you're looking for her." Yuan points his finger on me, as if I just did a crime.

"I don't want to" I defend, munching into some soggy french fries from McDonalds–that Yuan and I bought when we bought the chocolates.

"you don't want to, or you don't know how to?" he raises his eyebrow at me.

To be honest, I had realized my feelings for Rose for a long time now. Maybe Yuan is right, I don't know how to but maybe it's also because I am not sure what she feels about me. I feel a bit insecure, when I look at her best friend–her BOY best friend. They have known each other for years, he is good looking, one of the student council officers, she bonds with him so well that they look like they love each other.

~

In our classroom, we didn't do much. There is no teacher because the teachers are busy having their lovey dovey moments with their partners.

Then, loud romantic music bursts into the speakers inside the classroom and the corridors.  Enchanted by Tswift—played. And when it stopped, a familiar voice echoed—replacing the music.

"Hello to the students, teachers, and love birds. Rose Williams here, from Class-12 A..." It's Rose, so she did came– I thought.

"And I am here with Evan—" she's with her boy best friend again....

"this is a program organized by the Students Council, for students to confess either anonymously or actually confess" she laughs, it feels like we are listening to a radio. I have known that Rose has a passion for broadcasting but I never heard her do it, and here I am listening, imagining her wearing her yellow thick headband in her head again–laughing and smiling from ear to ear through her voice. It must be her first time, I feel a sense of pride inside me. The girl I like is doing what she love FOR THE FIRST TIME. I am Love sick again.

Then they started their program...

"ok, I start..." she clears her throat while the rest of the listeners either seating down on the floor or thier chairs or cuddled with their partners. "I have something to say to the person I've liked secretly, the moment I first walked in the classroom as the new student. From class-12... Drummers please!!!"

Everyone makes "oOoohh" sounds. Escalating the excitement. When one of my friends starts to shake me by my shoulders That's when I noticed that everyone is looking at me.

Everyone must be thinking the same thing as I am or also wishing the same thing as I am. That THE person Rose is talking about is me. I shake my head and chuckled, but deep inside I am wanting her to confess to ME not to others.