poisonous love

chapter 1

"Shit. Shit. Shit."

i read 8:45 on my clock that was sitting beside me.

"Aria are you up yet?" my aunt yelled as i was already 15 minutes late for school "ill be down in a minute" i grab the clothes i had left out to wear for today. a ripped pair of baggy jeans, a Nike jumper and my air force. i brushed my hair i had had straightened the night before i ran down the stairs, grabbed my bag and yelled goodbye and walked to school. on the way there I had time to think. that's all I ever did.

think. think. think.

I took the bag off of my back and grabbed the bottle out. no-one cared anymore right?

I sure as hell didn't.

I carried on walking while taking small swigs of the drink. I was still 10 minutes away from school when I looked at the time.

9:20

"fuck"

I shoved the bottle back in my bag and covered it in a little scarf I had there. my pace quickened and within 5 minutes I was at school.

"yay" I said as I threw my pounding head back. I go to grab a chewing gum out of my pocket. and just my luck, it wasn't there. I just hoped nobody could smell the alcohol that lingered in my mouth.

math. stupid fucking math.

I walk in and nobody even looks up at me. a weight lifts off of my chest, as I looked nothing like I did this morning. my hair now blown in every direction, mascara smudged and the feeling that my clothes had shrunk 10 times smaller I walked to the back corner of the class, got the notebook out of my bag and began writing down the work written on the board.

30 minutes later and all of my work was done and I still had 20 minutes left so I placed my head on the desk and did nothing. turns out I was more tired that I thought, I woke up to someone patting my shoulder.

"hey, class is over" him.

"oh thanks" I gave a slight smile, grabbed my bag and left.

I wasn't even able to walk out of the door before I heard that voice again.

"I'm sorry"

I couldn't even turn to face him before a tear threatened to leave my eye. so I did what I'm apparently best at and left. I walk at a rushed pace to the bathroom. I locked the door and did exactly what I did earlier; pulled the bottle out of my bag and drank, this time I chugged it bottle taking a few breaths. and before I knew it, it was all gone.

whoops

I stood up from where I sat and left with my bag dangling off one shoulder walked to the sinks washed my hands and walked to art. I walk quite slow as im seeing double and discreetly hold the wall to keep me from falling.

*after school*

I held the now empty bottle in my shaking hands and chucked it in the bin before I got home. I walk through the door and go straight to my room to sleep to try get rid of this feeling but I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything. I was useless. I just lay on my bed facing the ceiling and couldn't stop thinking about what he said earlier that day.

'I'm sorry' like what the fuck. after everything you did that's all you had to say.

"aria, dinners ready" it was my aunt again.

"coming" I wipe the smudged mascara and brush my hair, I couldn't be bothered to hear her complain about how 'scruffy' I looked.

I walk down the stairs and see that she made chicken wraps and rice

"can I eat it upstairs, please"

"no, you haven't eaten with me in weeks we need to spent at least some time together"

I sit at the table awkwardly playing with my food I eat about half of the food. I feel disgusted with myself and ask to go to the toilet. I shout goodnight to Julie and go to my room. I scroll on my phone for a bit before I get a notification

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------*Levi*

I'm still sorry

read 23:47

please talk to me

read 23:48

baby please I need you

read 23:48

Levi I cant do this with you

not yet

read 23:49

talk to me tomorrow

please

read 23:50

okay but no pushing okay?

read 23:54

of course baby

read 23:55

goodnight

read 23:55

goodnight Levi

read 23:57

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a few tears managed to slip through my eyes as I stared at my ceiling. I think I thought of every possible thing that could have happened the next day

but none were even remotely correct.

thought 1 - I would go to school and he wouldn't show up

thought 2 - he would keep pushing and I would leave

thought 3 - I would be so nervous so I hid in the bathroom instead

thought 4 - it would be just like before

thought 5 - he and his best friend would judge my in every way possible

i decided it would be best if I went to sleep but I couldn't. I struggled every night but tonight I couldn't bare the thought of speaking to him tomorrow I got up out of my bed and walked to the bathroom, opened the cupboard above the sink and scrambled through the orange container to find the only one with Julie's name on.

"shit" I whispered as a bottle of pills falls

thank fuck Julie didn't hear. I find the bottle I wanted and went to my room. I did this every night. always the same. take 2 pills and go to sleep but tonight was different.

I took 2 pills and nothing changed

so I took 2 more

and again

and again

still nothing but dizziness so I had the rest of the bottle because I just couldn't bare the thought of talking to him tomorrow. I attempt to stand from where I was sitting on the floor and before I could get to my bed it all went dark.