I don't want to feel better

A meet up?

Tommy's POV:

Waking up was probably the hardest part of my day. I lay in bed opening eyes slowly trying to get used to the light. I sit up and grab my phone from my night stand.

Opening my phone to check my discord messages, none. I sigh and set my phone back down rubbing my eyes. I don't want to get up but I have to be productive today I haven't streamed in a while. I force myself out of bed and walk into the bathroom glancing in the mirror at myself.

God I look so ugly

I quickly try and fix my hair to look presentable, brush my teeth and change my cloths. I walk out of the bathroom not bothering to look in the mirror again.

I sigh as I sit in my chair and turn on my pc. Maybe Tubbo or Wilbur would want to stream with me. I send a message in the discord saying I was gonna stream some Minecraft in a bit and anyone was welcome to join.

I open Minecraft and start my stream up as thousands of people join. "Welcome back yo the stream boys! How are we today?! How are we chat?!" I say in a loud voice as many people start putting "hi Tommy" and "I'm doing good" in chat. I smile and join a v.c so anyone can join if they would like as I let my stream see the Minecraft tab.

"Alright chat I don't have much planned for today but maybe we can work on my house a bit and I can talk to you guys through chat or donations. And of course don't forget to prime it's completely free"
I smile at the camera and go back to playing trying to design my house to look better.

I read out a few chat messages and donations and have a good laugh with my chat before I hear someone join the call. "Hello?" I ask "Hey Tommy" It's tubbo. "Ayyyy! What's up tubbo?!" I say in a loud voice. "Can you be a bit more quite I just woke up dude I can't handle your yelling right now" he says in a tired tone. "Oh.. yeah sorry I'll dile it down"

Why am I so fucking annoying

After that we sat in silence for about 10 seconds before another donation popped up "Are you planning any kind of meet up soon" I read out. "Yeah no I don't-" I start to say before getting cut off. "check the group discord, look at dreams message" tubbo chimes in. "Alright, I'm gonna assume then yes a meet up is being planned to answer your question"

I play on the smp for a bit longer and having light chit chat with tubbo trying to keep my voice down. "We'll chat I think that's gonna be the end of the stream for today have a great night everyone!" I say before ending stream and leaving the call.

I open the group chat and look at dreams message.
Dream: hey everyone I was wondering if you all were free for the next couple months to come and meet up at a house I rented in Florida. Of course Tommy and Tubbo will have to ask their parents but I'm willing to pay for everyone's tickets.

Wilbur: I'm free to come it's gonna be so fun

The Blade: I can come jsut as long as my flight isn't at like 2 am

The messages went on of everyone saying they could come so I sent a text to my mom.
Me: hey mom I jsut got invited to go to Florida to meet up with some friends for a couple months it's being paid for completely I just need your permission, don't worry Wilbur is gonna be there you've met him before.

Mother: alright sweetly, but you need to text me twice a week and make sure your taking care of yourself

Me: I will mom thank you!

I quickly type a short message in the group chat saying my mom said I could go and dream sent me my flight information, Wilbur said he would pick me up and drive me to the airport with him and tubbo tomorrow to fly down together.

I smile to myself before dropping it. I'm gonna have to hide so much shit from these people.. I mean I've been doing ir for years now I'll be ok. I start packing a suit case with cloths some extra shoes and the essentials.

I zip up the suit case and lay down on my bed.

Do they really want to see me or do they just feel bad for me? I mean I'm loud and annoying and I can't handle myself most of the time. If they find out what I've been doing to myself their gonna kick me out. Send me off to some mental hospital or something..

I shake my head trying to get rid of my own thoughts. This is my chance to get clean, I'm gonna be there for a couple months it'll break the habit

But I should bring it just in case

I sit up and my bed and go into the bathroom grabbing the small blade I had collected from a pencil sharpener and put it in a plastic baggy. I stuffed the small bag into the suit case and laid back down in my bed. I'm gonna regret that later..

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, it was almost time for bed. Damn time flys when your overthinking everything. I lay on my side and get bundled up in my blankets hugging a pillow before falling asleep.

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Word count: 950
I know this is kinda bad but this is like my first time writing something like this so I hope you enjoy it.