I don't want to feel better

Imma die

(The urge to make Tommy's heart break just like mine has but I refuse to ship him with his friends or anyone for that matter - a mlm person)

Tommy's POV:

I fell down onto my bed and rested my hands over my stomach. I rolled over as tears started falling down my face. I pulled the blankets over me as I cried. I feel so useless. I don't like feeling weak. I don't want to be venerable. I don't want to be like this.

My thoughts were taken away when the door creaked open, we really need to invest in some WD-50. I watched as Ranboo made his way to my bed side. He leaned forward and gave me a hug.

"I'm so sorry this happened tommy. This is all my fault, I really hope you can forgive me." He said quietly.

"Shut up dumbass. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have done the stupid stuff in the first place." I responded and hugged him back. I moved backwards and pulled him onto my bed.

I continued to hug him as more tears fell down my face.

"Ranboo, I don't want to be like this anymore!" I sobbed into his shoulder. He slowly rubbed circles on my back.

"I know Tommy, I know, but I promise everything is going to be fine. I'm never going to let anything hurt you again." He said and placed his hand on my head. I wrapped my arms tightly around him.

Time skip to the morning—

I woke up in my bed with Ranboo laying beside me. I smiled slightly before rolling over and closing my eyes.

I felt as Ranboo shifted around and sat up. I rubbed my eyes and yawned before sitting up as well. I let my head fall into my hands as I controlled the dizzy feeling. After it faded I stood up and supported myself on the night stand.

My brain felt like it was spinning and everything was going dark. I stood up on my own and I fell to the floor.

"Ow.." I mumbled to myself. I tried to stand back up, using the nightstand yet again to support my weight. My head yet again began to spin. I felt a firm grasp around my shoulders.

"Come on Tommy, let's get you something to eat." Ranboo said as the black in my vision faded.

"No..no.. it-s.. fine" my voice shook and my legs felt weak. Ranboo started walking slowly forward with his arm wrapped under my shoulder. I had no other choice than to follow after him and after almost falling down the stairs I sat down at the table.

I put my head down on the table and sighed.

"I'm tired, why can't I sleep more." I said and was handed a plate with toast on it. No one answered my question so I just slowly ate the toast. It was nearly burnt but it was fine.

I ate a piece and half before I felt nauseous. I pushed the plate away and put my head back down. I felt someone rub my back but I didn't react.

"Come on Tommy, do you want to go on a walk or something?" Karl said.

I shook my head and sat up in the chair.

"Ill be back.." I mumbled and walked to the bathroom slowly, hoping I wouldn't fall over. When I got the the bathroom I splashed some water on my face before sitting on the ground. I laid my head back against the wall. I turned my head as I noticed the razor we had in the shower.

No no it's a bad idea.

I need to get back to streaming.

But Wil dosnt have to know.

I leaned over and grabbed the handle. I found some tweezers and pulled one of the blades out of its place. I smiled as I felt the cold metal in my hand. I held the blade with my shaky hands and slashed my wrist open. I watched as it opened a gash in my arm before it slowly filled with blood. I smiled and continued.