Strawberries and You

2

Everything feels empty.

Yelius lay in bed, hand on his heart and mind in a daze. Everyday repeats itself, like a broken record, like a song on loop. Only that, the song is awfully loud in silence.

He's afraid of tomorrow, what if what has happened the day before happens again? What if he goes to work and sits down and he comes back home to darkness all over again? The same moon mocks him, coming over everyday to his window just to smile at him devilishly, telling him that nothing will change. Nothing is to come, nothing is to be better. His life remains constant, in bits and pieces, in spheres and wholes. It scares him to repeat his routine, it's called a routine for a reason yet deep in his heart, it seems to him that he's only waiting for death.

Nothing else.

Yelius is running in place, Painting yet his brush leaves no colour, walking yet his feet leave no trail.

He only hopes tomorrow would be different.

Drifting to sleep was just as hard as staying alive, constantly wishing himself a peaceful death, his therapist would look at him in disappointment, clearly no progress with his mental health.

He gets ready for the morning, his alarm clock screaming five AM.

Yelius grabs a pair of socks from his drawer, a suit, and a blue tie. He sweeps the floor, grey and dusty, opens the curtains, the color of the ocean.

The coffee machine dings, drinking it and leaving the bitter taste in his tongue.

No matter how much he despises getting up in the morning, he had to take care of himself if he didn't want to smell like a homeless man at work. The shower Yelius takes is as cold as ice, and when he comes out his coffee has gone cold as well.

When he was a child, he thought he could do anything, he dreamed to be a pianist. Someone that performs in front of a crowd and be applauded as he finishes his piece. He wanted to be someone people looked up to.

As he grew older, he realized things always didn't go the way you wanted it to. He was a teenager, reckless and ignorant. Then he met his first love who had come and gone like dust. He had his heart broken, by his family, by his only love. He planned his future with him and now that he has his future without him, it feels like hell.

No one has to know what he's gone through, he's dealing with it on his own. Yet, he's asking for help, his soul is asking for help. What are these feelings inside his heart that has stayed ever since? Sometimes, he thinks he has way too much time, despite working nearly 24/7, he drives as if no one waited for him and he drank as much as he could before he gets poisoned.

Yelius arrives in front of the company an hour later, a heavy sigh escaping his dry lips. He greets his employees with a bow, marching to his office at the second topmost floor.

Nostalgia fills him as he looks at the sky from the large windows. He lost himself when he was 17, that he was sure of, but the feelings he exhibited throughout and after it? He was confused. Now that he's in the future, he's forgotten who he was.

"You've gotten too far away from tomorrow."

"What?" Yelius looks up, his secretary staring at him with a pile of papers in her hands.

"I said you have a meeting with the board tomorrow."

"Ah, thanks for reminding me," Yelius states, shaking his head, sure to have heard something else.

He looks down at his arms, folding his sleeves up and to leave no space for sweat. It was hot in the morning these days, and the sun seeping through his windows helped in no manner.

He watches as his tattoos slowly reveal themselves, strawberries and a skull, a rose, and a clock intertwined by vines. Reminiscing, he thinks of his past lover, how he misses sleeping on the floor with him and drinking whiskey on the rooftop of his parents' house. His lover knows he was the reason why Yelius got tattoos, yet he still left him.

Being left alone was an awful feeling, especially in this world full of hate. All people do is judge you, mistreat you, hate you for the things that are natural to you.

Red. People were red in Yelius' eyes. All they want to do is hurt him. All they want to do is drown him. And in return, Yelius only needs to get rid of those people, they were a target. He'll shoot his arrow and it'll hit the center.

He'll have his victory someday, some life. He doesn't know when, the thought proves to make him more miserable.

Lunch time comes, and instead of eating he goes to the top open floor, takes out his cigarette box and smokes. He ends up smoking two sticks, before getting dizzy and deciding to come back down.

His secretary, Lani, knew of his condition, would check up on him every once in a while. For the first months, Yelius was awfully bothered by this, at one point it got to him screaming at her to leave him alone but as more time passed he got used to it. At least it was someone's job to take care of him.

The phone rings, its black screen lighting up to the name of the caller. Jeenie, it read. He wastes no time in picking it up.

"Hello,"

"I called to let you know I got a dog" Jeenie cheers from the other line, Yelius can hear barking.

"And what does that have to do with me?"

"He's a black poodle."

"And?"

"You're an emo that loves dogs."

Yelius chuckles, "Alright you got me"

"Yeah..." There's silence for a while, until Yelius clears his throat.

"By the way, I'm coming to the Philippines next week."

"No way!" He can hear Jeenie's surprise, "You hear that boy? You're going to meet grandpa Yelius."

"I'm no grandpa you child"

"Your statement says you are."

"Alright, well, inform me the details later, I've gotta go." Jeenie's line starts cutting off, as if she was moving around in a hurry.

"Okay bye."

"Love you grandpa!"

Yelius ends the call with a smile, he'll be getting to see his best buddy soon again after years. It may be early to say this, but truly, the darkest is right before dawn.