TW: swearing, mentions of mother, caps
(italics mean that whoever is saying it is saying it in another language)
Helen was chattering with friend Roger, about the Fake Love era and whether or not the music video makes up for their looks, which Helen argued that they didn't look that good in Fake Love as Roger fought back with their defence that everyone looked decent and the part where they were dancing in the blue background was especially amazing.
"FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!!!! I SWEAR TO GOD THAT JUST BECAUSE I LIKE HIM DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO LIKE HIM IN FAKE LOVE YOU PIECE OF SHIT ROGER"
"FUCK YOUR MOM !! WHY YOU HATE HOW THEY LOOK THERE I HATE YOU TOO!!! YOUR MOM HAS NO HAIR [the more you know]!!"
"THE FUCK, AT LEAST I HAVE A MOM, YOU FUCK"
"I HAVE A MOM YOU BITCH SHE JUST DOESN'T LIVE WITH ME AND I LIVE WITH MY UNCLE YOU BITCH"
Helen glared both jokingly and seriously at Roger, who rolled their eyes and blinked rapidly because obviously, recess was so boring and the two of them had nothing better to do other than argue over the same thing for 2 days. But seriously, when was this issue going to be resolved? Well, they had approximately 20 minutes more to do so.
"Roger," Helen said with as much calm as she could muster, "Jimin's highlights just ain't it, you get me?" She blinked fast as if to assert her accuracy. "Also, those random stares into the camera that show off their cheekbones also ain't it, okay?"
"Helen, do you understand that it's literally just a fucking camera angle!! Why do you hate camera angles so much! You hated that camera angle in Black Swan of all things! AND OF V OF ALL PEOPLE" Roger retorted in response, shaking their head in disappointment.
"SO WHAT IT'S NOT LIKE THEY ONLY HAD ONE CAMERA" Helen immediately said back. "THEY'RE FUCKING BTS OF ALL THE BANDS OUT THERE, JUST BECAUSE IT'S 2017 DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING"
"bLaCkPiNK iN yOur ArEAA" Roger said weakly, humming LALISA. Helen blinked in disbelief because she wanted to fully convert Roger to her opinions before she ranted about the camera angle in DNA at the start of the MV. But of course, this fucker who doesn't know what a fucking bias is has to fall for Lisa again. Like, the amount of time they had told her to play LALISA during their random Zoom meetings where they would randomly listen to songs.
"Why y'all now so quiet?" Ivan, who sat beside Helen but at another table asked, because obviously his dumbass would not know the chaotic energy they embodied.
"Ask me for what, you bitch??" Helen snapped, not actually angry. It was just how she was.
Ivan, being a dumbass again, stared at her and lost interest.
Well, fuck, Roger's gone to buy more fucking food for some reason, why don't I introduce Ivan to the world of K-pop and convert him to BTS before Roger converts him to Blackpink... I mean, who cares lol it's just that Roger isn't here lol lol anyway you need some L A L I S A, Ivan
"Oi, Ivan! Do you know Dynamite?" Helen asked, eagerly hoping for a 'yes'. After all, he was laughing so hard last time during the Children's Day celebratory video that the teachers played last year and danced to Dynamite.
"Uh, no?" Ivan stared at her again. He certainly isn't dumb when it comes to being a dumbass, Helen quipped mentally. She didn't want to tell Ivan it was a BTS song immediately, because she didn't know his stance on K-pop.
"Dude!! You last year never pay attention is it? You forgot last year the Children's Day concert and then the teachers danced Dynamite?" Helen recited her perfect Singlish.
"Uh... No???" Ivan frowned, because being an ass, only shit comes out of his mouth.
"Haiyah!!" Helen tsked and turned to some other classmate who was also pretty surprised that Ivan didn't know what the hell Dynamite was.
"You mean you don't know what Dynamite is?" That classmate asked incredulously. Ivan shook his head and frowned even more.
"Do you know BTS?" Helen fired at Ivan because no one could be such a dumbass, right? I mean, Singapore can't really produce good shows, good YA fiction, good Adult Fiction where the one gay couple doesn't break up (O THIAM CHIN I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU), basically Singapore is not known for producing good content.
Like please, the only good thing here was the food, because oily chicken rice is superior to any shit restaurants could make in America. No shade to America but seriously, it's 炒面 and not chow mein, weaklings.
Breathe, Helen, breathe. Remember the Fake Love Jimin fancam that got 100 million and more views. Remember the loud as fuck fanchant during the 2017 American Music Awards for BTS' DNA to the point where they fucking muted i-
NEVERMIND, FOCUS ON JIMIN, HELEN.
"Uh IDK who they are, are they that one K-pop boy band thingy that you fangirl over??" Ivan guessed, because when you say shit, you smell the shit, you don't concentrate on remembering some obscure band from the 2010s.
"Well, yes. Like who else do you think I care more about than the random boy band from Korea that is the reason why there are 7 billion people in the world because they are 1 in a billion-" Helen recited the one meme she saw on Pinterest.
"Whoa. I've never heard of their music though." Ivan grimaced like old grandpa Suga who says, "Back in my day..."
"Okay, because you are so stupid I will be nice and help you learn them. Also because I don't want Roger to convert you to the BLINKS like my dad. We don't talk about him. Just kidding. I mean, we ask him to play AS IF IT'S YOUR LAST again because SOUR CANDY is his obsession like please how many times does he want to hear that also can he stop playing NEXT LEVEL-" Helen stopped her rant. She was the type of person who often rambled on. Of course, that didn't mean she was a bad secret-keeper.
THINK ABOUT ALL OF THOSE VIEWS OF THE PERMISSION TO DANCE MUSIC VIDEO SHE DELETED BECAUSE SHE WAS ASHAMED OF BEING AN ARMY
actually it was DNA but nobody cares-
"really??" Ivan was shooketh again. And no, Jungshook is way too overused.
"Yes, now go home and go listen to Dynamite 1 billion times and get it to 2 billion views please it's going to be my birthday soon-" Helen pleaded, like the time she did when she begged Roger to show their Jin photocard to her because she was curious.
What the hell, she did not know Jin had a dark green hair phase. The hell.
"Okay, but is it good or not?" Ivan asked, leading to Helen rolling her eyes and sighing.
"YEAH LAH THEN WHAT" Helen retorted, just as Roger returned to continue their LALISA rant because yes.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I didn't mean for this to be a crackfic or anything but LALISA LOVE ME
Wow I don't even think Helen and Ivan have anything to do with Math now.
BUT SERIOUSLY I SHARE EVERY OPINION HELEN HAS.
I remember the days I kept rewatching the DNA music video and then deleting the view- haiya
DNA V THOUGH
DNA V THOUGH
that voice
that hair
that face
those eyes
that outfit
AHHHH
YOU ARE READING
DYNAMITE (HELEN X IVAN)
HumorIvan is not the biggest ARMY ever. In fact, he doesn't even know what the song Dynamite. Helen decides to introduce him to BTS' songs. Hopefully, he likes them. (This is based after a true story but unfortunately, I never got to introduce the IRL...
