Stomach It

What on Earth are "introductions"?

I'm not usually one for introductions. They're either really rushed or overly complicated, no in-between. I suppose that's what's put me off meeting new people; not the people themselves, but the awkward introduction-period first. It's just a grey area, really. It can last for hours, days, weeks and some don't even get past it. What's the point if you might not even get passed it? That's too embarrassing for me.

No matter if I like it or not, I'm going to have to introduce myself at some point; so hello. I am a voice. Just a voice. There's no face to me, no body, just thoughts. And I'm just there. You can read me however feels right. A moody teenager, an exceedingly white Christian or a sophisticated businesswoman. Though, I do believe most of you are going to read this as the voice in your head. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I've realised the voice in most peoples' head aren't actually their own voice. I find that absolutely astounding for some reason. We hear ourselves more than anyone and yet we aren't even our own story narration. Most of the time mine is Finn Wolfhard (specifically his role of Richie from It). His useless insults and dumb comments are the main thing that come to mind during my school day, especially during a hard test. This could explain why my grades are so below target. But no matter, now that the cringey, way-too-personal, introductions are gone, I'd like to make this explanation short and sweet.

I am writing this book because I have nothing better to do. That's a lie. I have 4 homework pieces by Monday, and it is currently 01:51am on Saturday. Correction, 01:52. 

No, scrap that. That's dumb.
Try again.

I am writing this book because I am the ultimate procrastinator.

Woah woah woah. I've only written 317 words, I absolutely cannot delve straight into my trauma.
Third time's the charm.

I am writing this book because writing takes the edge off.

That's much better.

I used to hate writing, yunno'. I always thought words on a page were boring. I could never relate or find joy in an old poem or book. Every word just went in one ear and out the other. Don't even get me started on To Kill A Mockingbird: put it down after the first page. Do they write books like Diary of a Wimpy Kid for adults? That's real literature. Can't beat a bit of the "cheese touch". As I was saying, it takes the edge off. I like talking and, well, I obviously can't do that if nobody is here with me; so, I write. I pretend I'm sending it like a text message, so it makes me think at least someone is going to listen to me, read me. They never really do though, it's just the idea that gets my hopes up.

02:02am. I have a sleepover tomorrow. My friend's cat is missing; it's quite sad really. I've always been a fan of cats, can you tell I'm a cat person? I've always admired their lack of effort while still thinking they are a God. Makes you wonder if every popular person at school is actually a cat. Don't say yes. Cats are cute. Popular people aren't.

I'm going to fall asleep. Always tired. I fell asleep watching TV a couple of hours ago. That was quite embarrassing.

Zzz

ZzzZzz

This is all so chaotic, I'm extremely sorry. We've just met and I've practically told you my only personality traits: I'm awkward, love cats and always tired. What more could you ask for? I am a blessing sent from the heavens to provide you... this book of nonsense. Nonsense... Nonsense? Nonsense. I don't know why I started to write a new paragraph because I've actually realised I now have nothing to say. Having something to say will only dig myself a deeper grave, so I suppose I should be thankful. It's also finally giving me an excuse to sleep. I wonder if anyone is actually still listening to me. If you are, thank you: you're a real one. Ew. Remind me to never say that again.

Alright, I think it's time for me to finally pass out. I'm not too sure when I'll see you again. Could be tomorrow, next week or a couple months; but try and hang in there for me. I'll see you soon. Thank you for listening.

-E <3