Christmas past to present!

12-Eve

Santa visits the kids who are all over the moon. Keaton stands at my side as we watch. My niece Ava asks Santa for a blue bike. A few cousins ask for skateboards and bikes. Maddy asks for something, though she whispers it. "Secretive." I smile followed by Claire, who asks for a karaoke microphone. Daniel is the last of the kids. He gets awfully shy.

"Ho Ho Ho there, no need to be shy, my boy." Santa tells me. "So tell me, what do you want for Christmas?"

"I don't think you can give me what I want."

"You'd be surprised what a wish can do." He tells him. Daniel sighs

"I only want my mommy to be happy." He says, and I feel my eyes tear up. My boy is so sweet.

"That is very nice of you." Santa tells him, looking to me. "I will see what I can do." A now nervous Daniel runs to me, then hugging me tight and hiding his face from the gathered crowd.

"That was so sweet, my Daniel. Thank you! But you didn't need to use your Christmas wish on me." I kiss his little head, squeezing him close.

Holding both my kids on my lap, we listen as pop reads twas the nightmare before Christmas. The story is just as good as I remember with my fathers fun loony voices and excitemen. Everyone is excited. When the story ends, we gather the kids.

"Are you staying for the after party?" Keaton asks

"I don't have much of a choice, do I? What about you?"

"Probably not. I need to get Maddy to bed."

"Don't be silly. We have plenty of rooms. Maddy is more than welcome to stay with Claire and Daniel." I offer "if you want."

"Sounds fun. What do you think, Maddy?"

"But Santa?"

"Oh, don't be afraid of that. Santa knows how to find all good little girls as long as they are sleeping!" I smile she hugs me tight and smiles before running down the hall after the others.

"Why don't you go home and grab everything you both will need for the morning, and I'll get the kids ready for bed."

"I can't expect you to do that."

"Then hurry, and you can help." I push, and he smiles, running for the door.

An hour later, I was braiding Maddys hair sitting on one of the beds in the room for the kids. Claire and Daniel are lying down. "Holly?" Maddy says

"Ya sweety?"

"Is this what it's like to have a mommy?"

"What?"

"I've never had a mommy, but I like this." She tells me,"I like you a lot." My heart is filled by her simple words.

"Well, I like it to honey. I am so glad you and your daddy are spending Christmas with us this year." I admit tying the last band in her hair.

"Daddy likes you too." She yawns as I pull over the covers for her to lay down.

"I like him too." I admit tucking them all in again.

"Well, this is cozy." Keaton comments.

"You made it just in time." I grin kissing Daniel, Claire, and Maddy on their cheeks and wish them goodnight.

We close the door and slowly make our way back to the party. "Are you ready for this?" I question

"I've been around your family loads of times before." He chuckles

"True, but that was years ago, and we got kicked out with the kids, remember?"

"How could I forget; We stole a bottle of wine and..." He winks reminding me of the night we'd lost our virginity's. Clearing my throat, I chance a glance at him.

"You need a drink?" I ask

"Good idea." He agrees, opening the door for me.

"There you are. How are the kids?" Hardon asks

"Good, they are going down as we speak. The one night kids are excited to go to bed. Now come on, we are doing shots!" I declare linking arms with both Hardon and Keaton and pulling them over to the now open bar.

"I knew you were my favorite sister!" He laughs.

After shots, I feel myself loosen up a bit a few more, and I am having a blast. Almost two hours go by before Keaton and I are left alone. "So you need to drink to spend time with me?" Keaton asks

"Of course not. I wasn't last night, was I?" I point out

"Last night we hadn't..." He stops

"What had sex?" I finish, and he nods. "And technically, we had." I giggle

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't need to drink; but it helps. I dont get stuck in my thoughts this way. I don't overthink it all." I admit sipping the water I had in front of me.

"Over think what?"

"Feelings. Seeing you again. Spending all this time together. Getting to know Maddy. And sleeping with you."

"It's all been absolutely wonderful." he confesses

"It has. Until reality hits us. That is what gets stuck in my mind. Like a carousel. "

"What do you mean reality?"

"That I am a recently divorced mother of two. That I don't live here. That you're a single father whose whole life is here; and lastly, that my heart is far too fragile since the last time you broke it. I don't know if I can handle staying away from you, Keaton, or worse, I don't know if I can handle just being some holiday fling either." I admit rapidly. "How is that for being open." I comment, turning and walking down the hall.

It was ten minutes to midnight, and I was done with the party. I let myself in after peeking in on the kids in their room. Nothing but sugarplums in there.

Once in my own room next door, I look out the window. I see it is still snowing and open the window and lean against the seal. After a moment, there is a knock at the door. Sighing, I move to answer it. Keaton.

"I..." I try to start, but he isn't having it.

"What makes you think this is just some holiday fling? Do you think I introduce just anyone to my child? That I'd have shown up here even after you ran out this morning?" He steps in and closes the door behind him.

"The truth is you have always been my light. Holly! Always been my future. I tried to move on from you. Then I catch one of your smiles, and I know now that was never going to work. One kiss and I was that 16 year old boy again." He proclaims

"But we're not 16. " I try tears welling up.

"I know that! It's been 10 years of knowing what I wanted and it being out of reach. Now you're here, and I am not letting you go again. Not without a fight!" He says, stepping closer. "Holly; I love you! I have loved you every day since we were 14 years old." He proclaims I feel my breath hitch, and a few tears fall down my cheeks. "Holly?" I realize I need to say something.

"Dylan came by tonight. Ya surprised me to. He was angry because he had seen us perform."

"Really, you're going too.."

"Let me finish." I snap, and he gestures for me to go on. "He was angry because he saw something between us that we'd never had." I take in another breath."Talking with Dylan, I realized that we had never stood a chance. Not a real one. Not when I've been in love with you since i could remember." I admit

"What?" He breathes

"You broke my heart all those years ago. You said you did it for me. For my dreams; my goals. But what you never considered. What broke me was that all I'd wanted was you. You were in every dream. I loved after you; I did. But you can't give your heart to someone when it has already been given."

He closes the distance between us, now pulling me to him. He kisses me. "I love you, holly!" He tells me between kisses."Always have."

"I love you, Keaton!" I manage."Always will!"