Illumi's heartbreak (illumi x Hisoko) (hiatus)

Chapter 1: building trust one nightmare at a time

(right off the bat going into some deep stuff- panic attack, gore, and ptsd symptoms will all be common in this story)

Third person pov

Illumi limped into Hisoka's room. He had an obvious upset look and his body was torn up. He looked up making him feel dizzy as the taller person close to him came over and grabbed his shoulder. Illumi's face stung and his eyes where puffy, his arm was bruising already and he had long jagged cuts up and down his body, the worst on his limp arm and his legs.
"Illumi, take it easy. I've got you~" Hisoka cooed as he grabbed onto the slightly smaller male's arm making him clench his fist and let a small basically inaudible groan.
Hisoka helped Illumi to the couch and patched him up before making the other turn to him by grabbing his chin. Illumi's reactions where slightly slower then normal but still by the time there eyes meet Illumi had pulled a pin and was inches away from staying hisoka.
"Whats wrong?" hisoka asked for once being serious as he was more worried then normal about 'his' little crow.
Illumi just shrugged and leaned forward against hisoka's shoulder.
"That isn't an answer, Illumi I can tell your in pain, what happened? Did you figure out what drug it is? Is it effecting you?" he asked, this time getting a muffled answer and a small cry from Illumi.
"It usually dosen't bother me, but it hurts, I can't make it stop, hisoka I-It feel worse the more I ignore It" Illumi whined, his voice braking as tears slipped from his eyes and onto the shirt hisoka was wearing.
"I feel so weak" he added while hisoka wrapped his arms around him carefully.

Hisoka could only guess at how much feelings and how much pain had effected Illumi, Illumi wasn't one to show any pain and just here he was crying into his shoulder. He could only guess at how much came crashing down onto him.

"Its okay little crow. I've got you now" hisoka said while laying back slightly. With Illumi still attached to him he took the time to listen to the other, he let Illumi talk, as much as he wanted.

"- I'm not used to it, hisoka... I don't-"his voice finally stopped for a few seconds and he looked up at hisoka. "I don't think I can..." again his voice stopped.
Hisoka spoke up, tears trying to escape his eyes. Illumi had spoke for almost a half-hour just about the mission. "Its okay little crow, it's fine to be scared, or in pain, I'll always be here when you need me" he said, his voice almost calm.
Illumi only nodded as he brought a hand up to hisoka's chest. He turned his head and closed his eyes before mumbling. "Can I seep for a little while?" hisoka was going to answer but before he could Illumi was out. Hisoka laughter a bit before smiling. His arms wrapped around Illumi and he held him gently. "Of course" he said before closing his eyes as well.

Hisoka was woken up abruptly while feeling Illumi twitch in his sleep. "Illumi, it's okay, I've got you," Hisoka said almost thinking Illumi was awake. When he realized his words had no effect he held Illumi closer and watched him carefully. Illumi twitched and moved in his sleep, his body lurched as he opens his eyes. Beads of sweat pooled on his neck. His breathing was laboured and his heart was ringing in his ears. He couldn't hear Hisoka trying to calm his down. Illumi sat frozen on hisoka's chest before rating has hands to his eyes and whipping then slowly. A painfilled scream escaped his lips as he collapsed into hisoka's chest. His body tightly folded into a ball, his hands grabbing into his short, trying to pull it away from his body. Hisoka gently took one of Illumi's hands and slowly started to talk to him.
"Ive got you, no one can hurt you when in right here, i won't let go of you untill you tell me to" his voice filled the quiet room as the late night starts illuminated the sky, the city lights making the ground seem bright and the sky seem dim.
Illumi's hands twitched as he tried to breath slowly, his mind raced.
"Hiso...I can't breathe" Illumi said why take ragged deep breathes.
Hisoka seeming to understand took one of his hands and pressed it lightly against Illumi's chest.
"I need you to take a big slow breath for me Illumi, can you do that for me?" Hisoka asked. Illumi nodded and like he was told sucked in a slow breath. As Hisoka said the simple words depicting what to do next Illumi slowly calmed down.
"In slowly, Release" the words repeated untill Illumi was breathing on his own. Now with both male's sitting up, Illumi in hisoka's lap, they sat in a calm silence before hisoka rested his chin on illumi's shoulder.
"It will help to talk" his words quiet in illumi's ear yet sincere.

Flashback/in the nightmare

Illumi ran as fast as he could, 'do it for mom and dad' he thought to himself as he jumped up into the trees for cover. His mission had failed and now he was being chased. He had to get this kill, or he couldn't be the heir. Every mission that thought was planted to his head, every mission he believed that. He jumped onto a branch before flipping backwards so he was behind his target. His knife drawn, he throw it as a distraction before chargin at the person. He quickly and quietly yanked there head from there body.

He walked into the quiet 'house' he dared to call us own. "Mom! Dad! Grandpa! I finished!" he called for his family, not loud enough to be a nuisance though. He walked closer to his grandfather's room and knocked before entering.
"Illumi my dear, come here" the white haired man in front of him said while holding a small photo of the five of them, Silva, Kikyo, Milluki, Zeno, and of course illuim. The photo had been taken on illumi's 6 birthday, making milluki 2. Illumi looked at Zeno a bit confused and tilted his head a bit, almost unnoticed by Zeno as he was discrrated.
"Illumi, you know of your brother that will be born so correct?" Zeno asked despite knowing Illumi knew.
"Yes, of course, why do you ask?" young 10-year-old Illumi questioned.
"Well, he was born will you where on your mission" Zeno said calmly. Illumi smiled a bit but his his excitement well.
"May I go check on mother and him then grandpa?" Illumi asked while looking towards the door as his dad busted through.
"White hair I believe" his dad said making his grandpa rise and follow after Silva. Illumi followed quickly behind the grown men wanting to see his little brother.
The door to his new brother's room slamed in his face made him mad. Yet he took a small breath before knocking. "May I come in?" he questioned before he heard his mother screaming.
"I shall name him Killua, he will be the crown of our family"
That moment something inside Illumi broke. 'Mom used to call me the crown of the family... Dose that mean she doesn't want me?' he questioned. He slowly walked away leaving the adults to care for his younger brother. He checked on Milluki to see of he wanted to spar but he was playing a game so Illumi left him to be.

Illumi peaked into the room, his dad and grandpa had gone to bed but his mom had yet to tuck him in like usual, he opened the nursery door and noticed his mom in the rocking chair holding a small baby in her arms.
"Mom? May I see my brother now?" Illumi whispered not wanting to wake the sleeping boy in his mom's arms.
"No Illumi, you'll wake him, now go to sleep" she said tubing away from her oldest son.
"But mom, I wanted you to come tell me about one of your assassination jobs again, it's hard to fall asleep without it" he said letting a small smile cross his face. Kikyo like oked down at illuim before pointing to the door. "Out now"

Third person pov

Illumi felt tears drip down his face. Hisoka held him a bit tighter.
"I know that's not all of it, but thank you for sharing and trusting me my little crow" hisoka said while continuing to play with illumi's hair.

(I changed the age gap to make illumi's and Milluki's age closer for story purposes, making Illumi 24 and milluki 20. Also Hisoka's age has been changed to 27 so he's a year younger, besides this most things stay the same)

(of any of my math appears wrong please correct me!)