How Will I Know? {Stiles + Malia}

Chapter Ten.

"Good morning, Malia," my mom said sweetly, setting her cereal on the table in the place next to me.

I smiled slightly at her. "Good morning." I looked at the clock on the oven, it was already time for school. "I've gotta run," I said. "I love you."

I walked into school, and as usual, went to my locker to put some things up, and got some things out. When I closed it, I missed Stiles' face looking back at me with a grin. I missed the way our hands fit, and how his lips felt. I wasn't ready to give up on us, but the aching in my chest reminded me that I had to.

Down the hallway I went, holding my books close to my chest. I couldn't deny that I missed being walked to class. I needed to stop thinking of him. I needed to stop complaining and just go on.. But why is that so hard?

The bell rang while I was right outside the classroom. I walked in and saw him sitting at his desk in the second row. The teacher wasn't there yet and I wanted to go up to talk to him so bad. Go on about how I missed him and that I'm sorry.. But, I couldn't tell him about Tyler. If I ever wanted a chance with Stiles again, there was no way I could tell him.

I quickly walked to my seat, attempting to avoid eye contact with him. But instead of approaching him, he decided to take the initiative.

"I haven't slept since we broke up, Malia." He was so handsome, at first I didn't believe him. But I examined him more carefully and looked into his red, puffy eyes. He looked like he hadn't brushed his hair this morning and like he hadn't shaved in a week. His voice was slow and raspy, but not the good kind like when you wake up next to him after a long night of staying up talking. He sounded sick, and like he hadn't used his voice in a while.

"Yeah, me either." Well, you know.. it was that and the fact that was the night I did the dirty with Stiles' least favorite person. I decided to leave that detail out, of course.

"Can we talk after school?" He paused. "Please." The hurt in his voice made me want to sink into the floor. I did this to him. I made him sad again. And that... that is the worst thing you can do to a person.

I wanted to say yes, but yes felt selfish. Yes felt like reminiscing and good memories. Memories that I have now ruined with bad ones. But, even though I knew all the damage that could come from saying yes, I couldn't bring myself to say no.

This was going to be the longest English class in history. I wasn't sure if I was ready for it to end so I could finally talk to Stiles, or if I wanted it to continue forever so I could avoid my guilt.

The teacher went on and on about the new book we're reading for this semester, basically telling us everything that we needed to know about it. What's the point in giving us a book to read when you've already told us the end? I wish she could tell me how this conversation with Stiles would end.

I stared at the teacher, and every once in a while I would glance at Stiles. A few times he'd look at me too and I tried my hardest not to smile until my lips fell off. "The things this boy does to me," I thought to myself.

Throughout the entire class, I thought, or at least hoped, I was listening to the teacher, but when I heard the bell ring, I realized that I couldn't have repeated the last five words she said.

The butterflies in my stomach wouldn't stop when he approached me at my car. It felt like meeting him all over again. He breathing hitched as he got closer. It felt like I was going to pass out. All I could think about was if I did, I hoped he would catch me.

"Hey," he said in a quiet voice. Honestly, I was expected more of a blunt approach.. but, hey works too. I returned the "hey" and grinned. He was silent, and me? I was nervous. Why wasn't he saying anything? Why did he want to talk if it would just be awkward silence? I almost opened my mouth to use an excuse to escape the situation, but then he started talking.

"Malia, I really screwed up this time. And I can't apologize enough for how I treated you the other night. I know you deserve an explanation, so I'm giving you one now. Just remember that this isn't an excuse, okay? I should have never said those things to you.." He looked down, disappointed in himself. 

"The other night, before I came to pick you up, my dad was drinking. He had been drinking all day, and he had been getting worse lately anyway, but this time it was different. Normally when he's drunk, he takes it out on himself and he gets really sad. This time... he wasn't sad. He was just so angry. I could swear that his eyes were the darkest shade of red." He never talked about his dad in a bad way. He always made it clear that he understood why his father was so upset and he could handle him. "You know why he was angry, Malia? He was angry because it was my mom's death anniversary and I didn't 'celebrate' it the right way. Can you believe that? What did he expect? For me to tell him, "Oh, hey dad. Mom has been dead a few years now.. just wanted to say 'Happy Anniversary.'" 

My heart sunk. Stiles hardly ever talked about his mom. He always celebrates her birthday and buys her flowers, but I never knew the date of her death until now. All of the sudden, I felt about a million times worse about the stuff with Tyler. Why had I been so stupid? Why didn't I just fight for Stiles?

"So, after we yelled for a little while, he swung at me. He missed though; he could hardly stand up straight because he was so wasted. I was a jerk because I didn't know how to express my emotions, and like I said, I know that it isn't an excuse. I'm just so sorry, Malia. It will never happen again. My only concern from now on will be to treat you like the princess you are. I'll treat you like my princess.. if you'll let me."

My mind rushed to Tyler again. I remembered that night, I remembered him kissing me and how good it felt at the time. But, I remembered how much better Stiles felt. His lips, his hands, his hair, his everything. Was I supposed to choose? Is it even a choice? What should I say? Thoughts were running through my head at a thousand miles per hour. 

"I'll be your princess, if you'll be my knight in shining armor."

And in that moment, we were back to the start. We were back to us. I could see it in his eyes; he wanted this time to be different. Little did he know that it was more different than he'd ever imagined. I had a secret. A secret that could destroy the both of us. 

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Oh my gosh. I'm always apologizing to you guys, and again, I'm so sorry for such a long wait. I'm going to try to get better at updating. Reading all of your comments inspired me so much, and I feel terrible for not updating in so long. I'm the worst, I know. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.  You guys are seriously the best, and I hope to be writing more for you very soon!!