Love again; Jennie & Eun-woo

meet me;

I am so tired of being a woman.

I used to love being a woman: I loved getting ready, taking care of myself, studying and keeping myself informed, listening to music and singing my lungs out the whole night, waking the neighbors up.. but most of all, I loved looking in the mirror and liking what I'd see. But it all changed.

I have so many flaws, that people like to point out. I became insecure, I am not sure of my worth at all. I wish that I could go back the way it all used to be. But I doubt it ever will. I keep trying to change myself, I am always seeking for perfection and for a reality that doesn't exist.

You might wonder how it all started, so let me explain it to you.
First year of college, I met this guy. He was handsome, fluffy brown hair, dark brown eyes, tall.. a total troublemaker. I had fallen for him hard, and he seemed to know since the very beginning.
He did not care though, he had many girls at his feet, that he would not spend a single second even looking at me. I was cool with it, I wasn't expecting anything... and anyways, I was too busy taking care of myself and becoming smarter and smarter, making sure I'd have a lovely job and a happy future.

Second year of college, I still had a crush on that guy. His name seemed to be Lee. He was a korean dude who had just moved to Chicago all the way from Seoul, in south Korea. He had a cute accent, which made everyone fall inlove with him. He had not been dating anyone though, I've heard he was a "one-night-stand" kinda guy. I just kept minding my business.
A few months after, we had a project to do together. We were being professional and just worked and studied together. He seemed to be not interested in me at all, which kind of hurt, but it was okay.
We would see each other twice a week to work together. We were starting to get closer, but just as friends.

Long story short, because I don't want to be boring - and this is not the main love story we are going to talk  about - we ended up sleeping together a few times, and eventually started dating. He said he was always intimidated by me, but had been inlove with me ever since joining our University. That's why he wasn't dating anyone or talking to me at all.

Dating him was fun. We would do a lot of stuff together...

Sometimes, he'd tell me I needed to lose weight, but then he would laugh about it. So I thought it was just a joke.

Five months into dating, he started getting very mad whenever we'd argue. And trust me, we would argue a lot.

Eight months into dating, that's when he hit me for the first time. I forgave him, though. It had been a tough week for him and he needed to relax a bit. He also apologized, so everything was fine.

One month later, he started telling me how ugly I had gotten, that's why he slept with another woman. He said it didn't mean anything and he still loved me, but I needed to get prettier.
He also convinced me to go on a diet, even though my weight was perfectly fine. But at that time, I only wanted to make him happy and to be enough for him.
I started losing way too much weight in a short amount of time, since he would not allow me to eat, and if I did, he'd hit me. 

I was tired all the time. I had lost all my motivation and I did not want to do anything. 
I even stopped singing, which by the way used to be my favorite thing in the world.

Two months later, I dropped out of college. I couldn't handle it. And people were starting to question my bruises. Too risky. What would they think of me? They'd say I'm pathetic and inconsistent. And a crybaby.

Today's our anniversary. We have been together for one year, so he wants to take me out on a date. I can't say no, or he will get mad. So I'm getting ready to go to New York with him.
I think I look pretty enough right now.
One thing I haven't told you about Lee, is that he LOVES attention. He loves people talking about him, in a good way. He wants to keep a good reputation, that's why he always threatens me to never say a word about what he does to me when we're alone.
He gets pretty scared, so I just do what he says.

We arrived in New York, it's really cold and it's snowing.
We are just walking around and not saying a single word. He asked me to take a few selfies and pictures of him so he can show everyone what we are doing and how much of a good boyfriend he is - how pathetic. I hate him, so much. 

He said he needs to tell me something important and that he'll be filming, so I better react in a good and euphoric way. I am confused, but I am not giving it too much attention. It's probably not a big deal anyways.

We eat lunch and proceed to walk outside. New York is full of people right now, everyone wants to see the Christmas lights. It starts getting dark.

"Come here, I need to tell you that thing now." He says, as he tugs me off.

Never would've I thought he was going to pronounce these words.
He makes sure we are in a good spot, everyone watching us.

He gets on his knees in front of me, and with a big - fake - smile, proceeds to ask:
"Jennie, I love you so much. I can't think of a future without you in it. Will you marry me?".

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Everyone around us is cheering, recording, applauding and shouting to say yes. I feel overwhelmed. I do not want to marry him. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. 

I would rather die.

I feel like crying, I know if I refuse right here, right now, he is going to be so mad. 
And I don't want to cause a scene in front of all these people.

I was about to answer, when I saw you. We locked eyes and I felt like you started reading inside of me. 
A tear comes out of my eye, and I can't stop looking at him.

I remembered I have to answer a question. I look at Lee, who is starting to get impatient. I am so tired of being your slave, Lee.

"I used to be inlove with you too, Lee. But I'm sorry, I can't marry you. You don't deserve me. You ruined me, and I'm not letting you ruin my future too. Goodbye." 

I can't believe I really said it. Am I dreaming?
No, I'm not. Everyone around us got super quiet, and the look in Lee's face confirmed I did pronounce every single word out loud. It's scary. I started shaking, I don't know what to do.

Lee was getting up, with his eyes completely turned red. He was about to slap me, when you came, grabbed my arm and started running with me.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Just follow me".

To be continued.