Dear Diary

Pain...

    I scream .. I scream ... I scream... I scream till my throat hurts, I scream till I cant hear my voice, I scream till it hurts so much and my screams turn into cries.
   And then I cry ... and I keep crying until I am no longer able to, until my eyes are dry, until my pillow is soaked, and even then all the screams and cries dont ease the pain inside me, they just numb them for a while.
   The door knocks, and she comes in, I know its her because it smells like jasmines in the room, she covers me with the comforter, hugs me and keeps rocking me back and forth until I feel okay, until I feel and safe and until I feel hope.
   But hope is a feeling that im not allowed to feel, cuz shortly after, my hope laughs at me and runs away, and Rachel screams and cries for them to not take me away.
 

    I remember when they told me that I have to go to a foster house, I was devastated and I was scared. Rachel tried to get custody of me, but luck wasnt on our side and we had to go on separate ways, she called me every week. She told me she would have called me more but she didnt want my foster parents to get mad at her. We would chat and laugh, she was my best friend and second mum.  She made me feel safe. After being moved from a city to city multiple times, I lost contact with her. I couldn't call her since she always called me from the payphone and I had no other way to call her. I became miserable, she was the only family I had left besides Will and they both weren't with me. Years and years I hoped to see her. Years and years I looked around. I searched for her until I no longer tried, until I lost hope and here she is now.
    To say that I am happy is underrated, I feel like everything will okay now. She's the one who breaks the silence first, "I cant believe it, I looker every where for you! And now that I stopped looking I found you".
   "I didnt have your number so I couldn't call you, I tried to contact the previous house but they never answered me"
   " Oh Serena, you have no idea how much I missed you, you have grew up so much you look just like her serena", she looks at me like she's trying to see all what I have seen, and she looks at me like I will run if she blinks. 
   "Rachel, what are you doing here? And who's this? Is he your son?"
   "I moved here, just two days ago, and this is Elliot he's my son", she smiles so big and her eyes ignite happiness she looks like an angel, and I feel safe again. "Will came with us aswell, he's 19 so it was a piece of cake".
    Oh My God!! NO ... I knew it! My blood is rushing and my body gets hot, and I fail at controlling it. "Will who?"
"Will your neighbor, Diane's son? You don't remember him?" Oh if only you knew rachel ... "N-no I-I rem-ember him .. ummm yep". 10 points for being cool please! Did I just stutter!!?? Crap. Life is gonna be Hell ..