Listening to Empty Spaces: A Lost and Found Novel

Chapter Seven: Devotion and Emotions

I have girls I've never met in my life coming up and calling my name, or casually walking past me and saying 'Hi Havenlee'. It's all very very disconcerting.  After one girl literally chases me down the call I open the nearest door to me and shut it fast.  I come face to face to a very surprised Dr. Thompson.
"Havenlee, what on earth are you—"
"—I needed a safe place to hide," I say panting.
"A safe place to hide? From what?"
"The gaggle of girls that are all over me since it came out that Camden and I are dating. I never realized so much went into dating." I notice a small frown cross Dr. Thompson's face before he brightens.
"Well this IS you free period correct?"
"Well yes."
"Then you can spend it with me studying."
And for once I didn't mind that idea at all. "I'd really like that, Dr. Thompson."
Dr. Thompson laughs. "When we're alone would you mind calling me Yates? Dr. Thompson is my old man."
I test his name on my tongue and realize it suits him. "Okay, Yates. What are we studying?"
"How about that last personal composition you did for the class."
"It was just a silly song I made up in my bedroom one night."
"It had all the elements of being a truly extraordinary song, Havenlee." He comes closer and flashes that Colgate winning smile on me. "You just have to believe in yourself."
I warm inside hearing him say so, and nod my head. I head to the piano and begin to play. After the second time through Yates begins to give me critique. Nothing too strong, just constructive criticism here and there. And it works. My song is lifted into an entirely dimension and soars above the skies. I'm so into it I don't even notice when Yates puts his hand on my shoulder and stops me.
"Oh did I go over, I'm sorry."
"No Havenlee, I was just entranced, I needed a moment to compose myself."
"Now I know you're joking with me, Yates."
"I would never." He takes my hands and I instantly stiffen, and he instantly lets my hands go. "You are a one in a million talent, hell, one in a billion talent. You're kind, sweet, humble, so incredibly talented and beautiful, so beautiful."
I swallow. I won't lie. I'm attracted to Dr. Yates Thomson. But what would that make me? I was attracted to Cam, Bray, Weston and Masters eve if he was a total asshole most of the time. But Yates he was my PROFESSOR. I couldn't have feelings for one of my professors could I? Suddenly my mouth is dry and my mind is working a million miles a minute. He had the prettiest smile. It was just so infectious and reached his eyes. He didn't look much older than I was, but that wasn't saying much. I mean he couldn't be a professor at seventeen.
"You're staring Havenlee." And his voice is husky.
"Oh I don't mean to, I meant to, but I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable and oh just kill me now." I burry my head in my hands and am surprised when he gently removed my hands from my face. He leans forward and places the chases kiss on my lips. I want more. But that seems all I'm getting.
"Just so you know," Yates said, "I was a child prodigy. I grated at 14 and it just all went from there. I'm twenty two, don't want you to think some pervy professor out after you.
"Twenty two?" My mouth was dropped open.
"Like I said, child prodigy."
"Oh." I was flabbergasted. Professor Thompson had kissed me. Okay, it was a small kiss, but it was still a kiss, right?
"You are so beautiful Havenless. But your beauty is inside and well as on the outside. You're so talented and humble. You never let the attention shine on you, although you should. How could I not feel these things for you."
"Feel things for me," I gulp.
"I think...I think I'm falling for you, Havenlee. Do you know I've begun to write again. I haven't written in two years. It was like a dark black wall was in my mind, and suddenly you burst into my life and I was seeing light again, and the dark was chased way. And the music came. It came Havenlee, because of you."
"No, no, Dr. Thompson."
"Yates please."
"Yates, the music came because it was ready. I'm no one's muse believe me. I'm just a closed up girl from New York City who fits into this school like a fish in a tree."
Yates laughs. "Then you're the most perfect fish in a tree."
I blush. "Stop. You're making me blush."
"I know you're with that Cross boy but I just, I'd never forgive myself if I did't do this." He cups my cheeks and kisses me, and THIS kiss is full of passion, longing, and need, so much need. And I just cant seem to stop myself. I let his tongue into my mouth and dual it with my own. My body was heating up and I felt as If I was getting a fever. And as soon as it had begun it stopped. Yates was a foot away from me breathing hard, his chest heaving.
    I wasn't much better. I tried to get breath into my lungs
"That was inappropriate, I'm so sorry Havenlee."
I'm so confused. Wasn't he the one that said he wanted me? And now he was changing his mind. He must of seen something on my face because he shook his head and grabbed my hands again.
"It was magical, precious. You're magical. But, I'm still your professor, and we need to be careful about all of this. I have some plans in the works, but until then we really have to be careful."
"God. I'm such an idiot." I said. "I just made out with my professor. You could loose you job."
Yates nods. "I could. But again I'm working on things."
"And you cant let me in?"
"Not yet, precious."
"All these secrets and no one is willing to divulge any of them to me." I turn my back to him and reach for the handle.
"Please Havenlee, listen to me."
I shake my head. "I"m done listening." And I walk out out of the music room.

                                                     *****

The second I arrive 'home' I sprint to my room and stop dead.  Is this MY room?  The walls are painted a light gray.  There's a queen size bed in the middle of the room filled with gray and black accent pillows.  A huge gray beanbag in the corner of the room and in the other corner a large desk for me to do my homework.
   "Do you like it?" FItz asks.
   I turn to him and grab him in a hug which takes him a minute to return.  But he tucks my head under his arm  and holds me to him.
   "So I'll take that as a yes."
   "Oh Fitz this is perfect.  It's exactly how I'd want my room to look."
   "Well now you don't have to imagine."
   "Thank you," I say.
   Fitz turns me to face him and says.  "Don't you realize by now that there is nothing I'd not do for you, Havenlee."
   I sigh, "It's hard for me Fitz.  Its been my mom and me for as long as I can remember.  Whenever I asked about you, she told me that you didn't want a baby and it was isn't in your plan.  Since you never wrote or came to visit I had to assume mother was right."
   Fitz looks horrified.  He leads me into the room and has us both sit on the big bed.   "Havenlee I have loved you since your mother told me she was pregnant.  I don't know what poison she's been feeding you, but it isn't true.  I've sent you cards, birthday gifts, I've tried to stay in contact but I never heard from you."
   I feel wetness on my cheeks and try to pull it back.  No.  No.  This isn't composed.  "She said you didn't want us, she said you never paid support and didn't care for me.  Just your pathetic little career."
   Fitz scoffs.  "Yes your mother always did put importance on careers and high society.  I did not.  I wanted to play my music.  She convinced a judge that with my traveling and 'lifestyle' that I wasn't fit to care for a baby.  She got full custody, but I damn well paid that witch child support.  I also had a verbal agreement that you'd visit me once a year.  I should have known that was bolloks and she had no intention of honoring our agreement."
   "I don't understand, what would it hurt to send me to see you once a year?"
   "Control, Havenlee," And he brushes a piece of my hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear.  "Your mother strives on control and if she sent you here she'd have no choice but to give up some of her precious control."
   "But she sent me now."
   "I truly believe she has convinced herself that you're conditioned to listen to her.  And that nothing I say or do will change your opinion."
   My head is spinning.  Mom had lied to me?  Wait had she lied to me?  But why would Fitz lie?  Then again mom didn't get anything out of lying to me either....except control.  Mom WAS the master of control and she loved mind games.  Had she lied to me about Fitz for that reason?
   "I know there is a lot to take in, Havenlee.  I just beg you to give me a chance.  A chance to be a...dad.  I know I can't have all those years back, but I promise I'm here now and I'm here to stay."
There are silent tears running down my cheeks and finally I reach out for him.  He enfolds me in a giant hug and rocks us back and forth murmuring "Havenlee, my sweet girl, my sweet girl."
And for the first time in my life I feel...loved.