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Review #13 | Canaisis ∞ The Last Living Ship: Chronicle One

Title: Canaisis: The Last Living Ship: Chronicle One

Author: -NikaRave-

I was still recovering from an adrenaline rush as I was writing up this review [I had an interview/exam for a post-graduate program], so my hands were shaking as I did this. So there may be more typos than usual.

Summary: 4/5

At first, I was a bit unsure about this summary, but when I realised it was a prequel to The Displaced (how exciting! I've never had to review a prequel!), the pieces fell into place a bit more. I think you've done a great job showing us the protagonists and how their lives merge, as well as how they grow together. The way you've shaped and presented the concept is excellent and gripping as well, because I'm sure it's going to throw a lot of people off straight away.

I am yet to read, and so there are a few things that I'm questioning right now. You've capitalised 'Abyss' later on, in contrast to the abyss at the start – is that a different place altogether [edit after reading the story: ignore this point. I understand the capitalisation now.]? I also wonder if there is a purpose to their journey? Is there a reason they are sailing? Because, the way the summary shapes it, it sort of feels like they are just casually chilling through the river of time, and learn to love and trust one another. This could be intentional, and if so, cool! However, if there are bigger stakes to your story, then maybe consider adding a bit more purpose to the sail?

Also, the capitalisation of 'captain' is another thing I'm not sure of. ...and the Captain's own heart and It is well known that any good Captain loves their ship... Neither of these use captain as a proper noun, so I wonder whether they should be capitalised? (Unless, of course, there is a rule in your world where even unproper nouns must be capitalised in some circumstances.)

Edit [after reading the story]: I see that the conflict may be in 'ensuring humankind's survival' as a direction, but even then, I wonder if that could be written in a way where it feels more impactful and more like a mission? So that we feel a sense of purpose?

Grammar: 4.5/5

I'll start by saying that, obviously, you know your story is very polished. I know your story is very polished. Thank you for your time. Now, onto characterisation.

Just kidding!

I will just say that I was, once again, curious about the capitalisation of captain. I know a lot of words were capitalised for the purpose of significance within the story – like Memory, We, and such, and those made sense to me. For some reason, captain was the only one that seemed to not settle in my mind, just because my brain sees you sometimes use it as a proper noun and other times, not a proper noun. So in instances like:

"Has Ahmid decided to make the Captain an honorary employee?"

It just feels a bit off that it's capitalised because it's not a proper noun. However, again, I do understand purposeful capitalisation for the story, so this is a choice that ultimately is up to you. I'm just pitching in my thoughts! I do understand why you capitalise it, though. I don't know what my brain is doing. Brain! Please.

Anyways, aside from that, there were only a few minor things I caught, that I'm sure you'll find in another sweep of the story. Here are two I jotted down:

"We the Nilex Corporation will not let you down or cause any delays."

I would suggest commas for fluency, like so:

"We, the Nilex Corporation, will not let you down or cause any delays."

And:

"No, he's wrong, Captain," Canaisis voice responded in Gareth's mind.