Ocean Eyes

Chapter 3: Lull

He carefully bandaged Yoongi's hands, trying his best not to irritate the torn skins around the knuckles. The two remain silent - all that needs to be said, has already been exposed. Now all that is left is to deal with the consequences.

He watches Yoongi lighting out a cigarette, the smoke dancing through the air almost artistically – leaving the older mouth in dense form, only to dissolve and finally fading away, he wishes his worries would do the same thing – just vanish right before his eyes.

Jimin can't sleep the rest of the night. In the midst of his apathy with himself and his disappointment with Jeongguk, he feels like crying again, but his eyes refuse to cooperate with his feelings - as if they had begun a riot against Jimin's will.

At this point, Jimin is already beyond the denial phase. The experience with the discomfort between his ribs making him able to skip some phases. Of all the things he could be competent in, he was designated to always be let down.

Yoongi insists on him going to bed, and Jimin laughs with the irony. It is usually the other way around, with him telling the older boy to stop being stubborn and go rest.

He watches the city go to sleep and wake up, some souls, like his, still wander stubbornly through the streets. From afar, he hears laughter and metallic sounds. He assumes that countless things are happening at the same time, people are laughing, others are crying, someone in a few blocks away from there must be crossing the street, a tired bus driver wants to go home, a woman at the convenience store is buying an espresso - time doesn't stop for any of them. And Jimin listens to everything.

To match his mood, the morning is gray. The room is cold and now that Yoongi is sleeping, the malaise and the anger come back together, determined to make him feel bad. The cell phone is on the opposite side of the sofa, keeps shining - indicating there are new messages, but Jimin ignores it, too busy staring at the opposite wall.

The extra blanket that Yoongi put before leaving leaves comfort and warmth, but Jimin wants to feel the cold against his body. Want the feeling of having his face frozen, totally numb if that means his thoughts are going to be stopped.

His mind continues with insubordination, requiring him to review everything he has done, and he does just that - he joins all his decisions he has made so far and crucifies himself. He feels furious for not having noticed the signs for a bad end and even now that everything has been exposed, he still can't believe he hasn't seen it before.

He is feeling so much and nothing at the same time. It's like he's on fire and drowning at the same time. He does not know what emotion he should feel first, but the sense of deja vu makes him lost, as if he were remembering something he should not have forgotten, and the guilt is overwhelming and demands to be felt.

The morning comes peaceful and indifferent, rays of light cutting the sky and announcing the continuation of the infinite circle of life.

He does not notice Yoongi entering the room, but he is grateful for the depreciation pause button that the boy intentionally presses. "Minie?" Is so soft that Jimin swears that Yoongi sent the phrase into the calm breeze through the balcony door.

"Uh?" He responds, not looking at the boy - now that the crisis has passed all he feels is shame.

"Do you want me to stay with you today?" Yoongi offers and Jimin gets, even more, remorse for the burden he has placed on the boy's back.

Jimin knows that if he asked, Yoongi would drop everything and stay with him. But the idea of messing up his routine and disturbs him in any way causes an immense discomfort to Jimin. He knows he's already done enough damage to the elder - the purple, blue, and green mark on the boy's face, indicating what he went through for him. And he can't afford to put Yoongi within his own sabotage.