CAN I BE HIM

Two

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know.” — Photograph  (Ed Sheeran)

When I woke up I saw Ali on the couch watching a series on netflix. kunot noo ko siyang tiningnan, hindi ko alam anong ginagawa niya dito. wala naman siyang sinabi ko nabanggit man lang kahapon na pupunta siya. Buti nalang at nag message si ate sa akin na she give my passcode kaya hindi na din ako nagtataka bakit sya nakapasok.

"Good morning kanina ka pa ba?" tanong ko sa kanya

"Morning, yeah, sort of." tumango ako

"sana ginising mo ako, Ali. naghintay ka tuloy ng matagal." kung hindi pa binigay ni Ate chen ang pass code ng unit ko baka halos isang oras siyang maghintay sa labas.

"ayos lang. at least mahaba tulog mo." aniya pa bago tuluyang pinatay sa tv. mahina akong tumawa

"umaga na ako umuwi e." he hummed "nagdala ako pagkain, alam ko kasi nakalimutan mo na naman ang kumain lalo na't late na."

I smiled at him and started to eat the food he bought. inalok ko siya pero ang sabi niya tapos na siya kaya hinayaan ko na lang. Ali is busy with his phone, hindi ko na lang din pinansin at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagkain.

"hey, tapos ko na pala 'yung kanta." aniya. natigilan ako at agad na tumingin sa kanya. I swallowed hard my saliva and smiled at him.

"talaga?"he nods his head and smile "gusto mo marining? and i want to know from you if the song is great." he said while scratching his nape. lahat naman ng komposisyon niya maganda. masakit lang kasi ako 'yung unang nakakarinig pero hindi naman para sa akin.

Everytime he wrote a song about him. ako unang nakakarinig, ako din unang natutuwa at the same time nasasaktan. How can I be happy if I'm not him?I'm attentively listening and watching him from the way he strum my guitar. the ways his eyes shine every time he sings those lyrics that he wrote for him. Alistair is very passionate towards music, those words he put on the lyrics is everything— everything he feels for him.

Ali is like a girl version of Tylor Swift.

I can't help but to smile while looking at him. Day by day those feelings I have are slowly getting deeper. As long as I want to stop, as long as I want these feelings I have will drift away, I can't and I won't. I guess, loving him secretly is okay, as long as kaya ko, kakayanin ko!
In this world, I only have Ali. I may have a lot of friends but Ali is different— He's different.

Among my friends. Only, Ali knows what I’ve been through, What struggles and difficulties I’m facing day by day. He’s the only person who knows me more, even myself can’t.

“Ano?” he asked. Ngumiti ako at pumalakpak.

“Ang ganda— sobrang ganda, Ali.” Ang ganda ng kanta, sa sobrang ganda hindi ko maiwasang hindi sabihin sa sarili ko na sana ako nalang si Archer, pero hindi e, kaibigan lang ako. Mananatiling kaibigan lang.

“Talaga?”Tanong niya. Kita sa mata nito ang tuwa. I can see happiness in his eyes after he knows that I like the song he wrote. Kapag kasi nagustuhan ko ibig sabihin nun malaki din ang chance na magugustuhan ito ni Archer.

“Oo, Ali. sobrang ganda. Damang-dama ko emosyon mo nung mga araw na isinulat mo siya. You really like him, no?” tipid akong ngumiti

“A lot. Alam mo naman iyong diba?”

“Paanong hindi? E first year pa lang tayo sinasabi mo na sa akin na may gusto kang second year. Tapos blockmate pa ni dion. Ang tagal mo na gusto ‘yong tao pero ‘di ko man lang nakita ni isang beses. Hanggang kwento mo lang ko siya nakikilala.”