Hi, im Ryan. Im a female with straight beach blonde hair. Life doesnt mean much to me anymore. Especially now that im practically rasing myself. I believe people will never understand me and that ill end up dying alone. My mom yells at me 24/7, dad is never around. I take care of my brother by myself. I do everything on my own to cooking dinner, laundry, cleaning etc. Mom is always working or out having a drink with friends. Today i am 13 years old, but ill be 14 in 4 days. My life has been bent, broken, torn, and twisted in so many ways and directions. Dad left when i was 10, on my birthday which isnt the birthday wish i wanted. I really dont have a family to call "family". Most families have dinner together every night, go on vacations, and laugh while watching a movie. But mine, mine is total oppiste. We eat dinner together never, vacations is only when my mom wants to leave us but she know she cant and laughing while watching a movie is only for my mom. She watches me mess up and im her funny movie she laughs at...makes me feel special, i know. My mom asks me why am i acting werid, why you wearing dark clothes all the time, why you always up stairs alone? I dont answer, dont take in consiteration, it is in one ear and out the other.Friends are the only family i have, which are only at school. Grades are good for some one who lives like me. But im here typing this story today to tell everyone who asks the question, why are you so depressed? Its because my life is messed up. Im not loved like others and my family is worse then others. Im living on my own with my brother and im just housing my mom. Thats just about it. There you go. You have it. You have the answer... I cut myself after my cuts before are gone. Im not afraid to admit that. Im not proud but i cant afford a therapist and hell no im not going to rehab. People will laugh and that would make my life more depressing. On the outside im all smiles and act happy. But on the inside, im crying like a little girl who lost her favortite baby doll. My tears are non-stop because of all the pain i have gone through. I have 5 cuts on me at the moment but they are fading. These are the worse i have done in 2 and half years....hope you guys enjoyed the story. please comment with any suggustins and questions etc.
