My world is an empty book. . . .

When i was a little girl I used to believe in fairy tale and love at first sight. I was waiting on a prince and happiness to come to me, like it could deliever itself to me, without my assistance. What can I say, I mean isnt that every little girls dream? Maybe it's not just girls I mean everyone wants to be noticed, but not as badly as me. I would do anything just to get a taste of sweetness in my dull, dark, teenage life, but not anymore since pain has become priority instead of a feeling.

My name is Alessa Reese Thomas, Art for short. I am seventeen and I love to paint,write, and change my hair color more than my facebook status. My main drugs are Johnny Depp, 80's movies, Rock music, and Lord Of The Rings. I go to Darkass high school, and i live in Hallow, Arizona. I have lived here my whole life with all of my family and friends suffocating me in this small town at every turn I take. They are Christan's good or bad who am I to judge I'm a human just as them and I make mistakes and believe in things that may not be true. Anyways back to my family I live with my mom and my step father troy, I have beavis and butt head as siblings, its a pretty normal life around here what can i say. People mistake me for my mom, it bothers me allot because I'm not her nor do I want to be. We look almost as twins but i'm more of a punk rock kind of girl and i pretty mellow. People never question Troy as my real father because me and my mother look so much alike or they all know the story. I like knowing nothing about Austin my real father, because then I can make him whatever I want him to be. What I do know is Austin had two children none of which were me and his children were pain and agony causing him to die in my life, I have no idea where he is or what he is doing but I like that allot more than you know. Neither father figures are on the list of people I go to in a trama, I either go to my mom or my best friend Sondra. Once there was a time where i had a best friend and her name was sweeter than honey suckle beginning to bloom, she was average to look at, Her name was Lucy Grey, gosh I would do anything for her if she asked but she was gullible and she believed rumors even the ones about me. After she had betrayed me I could feel the dagger in my back and her twisting it, causing the girl I was to die. Since then i've been like a cat to a dog hissing at everyone I see, let's be honest people are cruel but in high school cruel is an understatement. You think you're on the top of the world and you have friends who care and love you, but when you get weak knees they will put you down just like the people you put down to get your title, dirt doesn't taste good, so you'll pick up and try to pull the bullet out of your barley beating heart. On judgement day every ones sins will show like a tattoo on their forehead. Most people will change their ways after high school runs out and they will know who they are outside of a clique dragging their true potential across the floor and praying no one sees the real human inside the rusted shell they built for themselves. After Lucy stabbing me in the back, I forgave and forgot, but then she continues twisting the knife in my already injured back, I'm completely over it but when i stop to think about it the pain comes back, Like a child that has a scrape and forgets about it until they look at the scar and remember how bad it hurt to get that scar. Enough about Lucy, I have been friends with Sondra for about four years and we fight allot but she is always there for me in some shape or form. She's got deep brown eyes and dark brown curly hair, She's one of the most amazing people i've ever met in my life. She is 17 and goes to another school, but next year she is going to school with me and I'm terrified because I don't want her to see how many people actually hate me and I don't need my best friend as my body guard, but I love her so much I can't even stress it to you, Please don't take that the wrong way. I know that being homosexual, bisexual, or pansexual is a trend now, but i do not trend I will set or be a part of. No one pays enough attention to me for me to set a trend. My friend list has decreased and must i say it's for the best, i have a total of four friends Sondra, Katy, Alice, and Sam. I'm not always thoughtful in what I say and my filter is sort of broken and my heart is a lot of broken too. Whats a story without heartbreak, Right? It's Sam he is totally gorgeous and like the most amazing guy I've ever met. His eyes, hair, jeans, hands and lips make me want him so much more than I want to want someone. We had a thing and he liked me forever and I loved him, but he dated Alice and let's just say I wasnt fond of her and i'm not fond of how she continues talking about their break up, because in the first few months of their relationship i got completely cut out of the picture, like when you and a friend are no longer friends so you cut them out of the picture and burn it or throw it away yeah, that kind of out.So, i became numb to any feelings toward him and just got back to feeling for people, boy that was a bad idea, unless you want to drown in everyone elses pain. Lucy also dated Sam, that killed me, but i'd never admit it if they asked. I know there are other guys but none like Sam, Like this guy Kenneth he follows me like a lost puppy and I don't want to be mean and tell him there is no way in hell i'd date him, and i don't want to tell him that because im scared no one else will lust over me because i make a plain stale cracker look delicious, because I'm so average, but Kenneth is not attractive to me at all. Another reason he can't go away is because when i feel neglected he is my cover because people hate him more than me. Does that make me a bad person or a spineless jelly fish? It makes me both because im choosing lust over love and I don't want to give it up. Enough of that, back to important things, Katy is one of the most amazing, funny girls I have ever met and she has her faults but a bad habit she has is being to judgemental. I currently go to school with her and she is seventeen as well most of my friends are and juniors. Finding friends is very easy, keeping friends through all your falling outs is very hard. I just want some one to think highly of me without being fake. Hopefully highschool will be the end of these people and I can write my life page by page as the world turns around. Until next time, Alessa. .