loving the enemy

chapter 2

Life has been rather eventful lately, I had a few more sessions with Ms Theron and it helped me quite a lot.

I don't have anxiety attacks as often as I used to and it feels weird. I got so used to it and now it feels like something is out of place.

Olivia and I are now friends,, she's usually the first person to come running when I have an anxiety attack. But since that doesn't happen as much I don't see much of her other than class time.

Next week we have a science outing, we're going to be doing a beach clean up. The entire grade is going, I'm slightly nervous considering the fact that I'm still not entirely comfortable with anyone yet.

I have been finding it easier to maintain a conversation with someone but only if they start it off.
I think it's progress and it's all thanks to Ms Theron.  "Sophie, would you like to give the answer to the question I just asked you", my history teacher asked. I hate this place so much, "I didn't hear the question", I say hoping that she'd drop it.

"I asked what was the reason for the mass extinction in the 18 hundreds", she asked looking at me. Wonderful, the entire class is looking at me and I am so close to curling up into a ball and laying on the floor.

"disease?...", I said. Hoping that it would at least score me points for effort. I was wrong.. and I didn't even get points for effort.

"Please pay attention in class, we can't have you daydreaming every few minutes. When I ask you a question I expect you to answer correctly. Don't let this happen again.", she stated and then continued with the lesson.

Did that actually happen or did I just have a nightmare. I just got reprimanded in front of my entire class, how humiliating.

I sat and endured the remaining 20 minutes of the lesson. It was the last lesson of the day, I'm surprised by the fact that I managed to hold in my tears.

Olivia pulled me aside after we were dismissed and walked with me, "hey, are you ok? What happened just now wasn't great at all and you looked out of it. Do you wanna talk about it?", she asked, her soothing voice laced with concern.

"I'm tired, that's all. I managed to not cry in class so thats an achievement I guess.",i say softly.

She hugged me, her tall form swallowing me, "Im always here for you Sophie." she let go and waved goodbye as we parted ways.

‹the following week›

"I think I might like her, romantically. is that even possible though. This feels so complicated", I say as Ms Theron makes notes on her iPad.
"what makes you think it isn't possible Sophie?", she asks.

I don't have a response to that,, she's just so perfect and kind. She makes me happy when I'm around her.

"i don't know, it just doesn't feel like we're meant to be even though I like her", I say. Scared of what I might say or do next. This uncertainty is wearing me down, and I don't know what to do.

"maybe it's because you think that because she seems so perfect, you're not worthy of her love. Dont you think that you might think too little of yourself?",she asked. She had a point, Olivia was what I needed. She cared for me even though I have nothing to offer in return.

"it's within reason though, shes amazing and she always takes care of me without expecting anything in return", I say knowing very well that I was just saying it to pass time and she knew it all too well. There's nothing wrong with liking Olivia, shes good for me.

"Our time is up for today, next time we should try and speak more about this. It seems like there's a lot to uncover.", she says bluntly.

I get up from the couch and make my way to the door, "Thank you Ms Theron, I'll be sure to book another session later."