Play With Fire Not My Heart

Part 10

-Alexandra's POV

Nakakalito. I do know what I feel right now. But I don't like it. I don't like what I feel.
I feel something towards Natasha and it's visibly what I felt for my Ex.
I don't want to feel that kind of pain again. That feeling of betrayal and abandonment. I've been working so hard to be where I am. To forget the unwanted memories of my past. To rebuild the broken me. I can feel the need to protect myself, to protect my heart by avoiding Natasha. But it's hard. She's straight for God's sake! I can't put my heart at stake again.

If you really love someone you are willing to take all the risks they said. But it's not that easy, it should be mutual. It must exert the same effort as you, because I've been there. I gave all I am. I gave all I have which almost brought me to depression and insanity. Ayaw ko nang magbakasakali sa isang taong pansamantala lamang. I'm not getting any younger just to have some fun. That maybe look stiff and boring to others but life's to short just to play. We can still enjoy life without getting involved with someone romantically, not at least for now.

But every time I see that woman, all my walls and inhibitions just go to waste.
It's really hard to pretend not to care while deep inside I'm dying to hold her and do the unimaginable things. I take calculated steps, with her it feels like everything is uncontrollable. There are many times I always tell myself, I am the captain of my mind and I am the master of my feelings, but these past few days with Natasha around, everything seems like in a haze. Maybe I should be more distant and make my walls higher. This time I can't loose myself again. This time I'll double the guard of my heart.