his best friend

04 - kuroi namida

TW: drug usage

Hi! This chapter will be a bit longer than usual since I haven't posted in awhile. Hope u enjoy some angst :)

Me and armin just kissed.
Your fingers repeatedly caressed your lips, thinking of what just happened a few moments ago. A faint blush appeared on your cheeks. You couldn't sleep, you could only think of him.
Why did he do that? You questioned his actions. The whole night he had been acting different. He made more rash decisions and acted on impulsiveness. You made sure to ask him the next time.

Next day

"Hmm mm m" you tapped your finger while humming. "Well you're in a good mood" mikasa sneered. You nodded while taking a bite out of your sandwich "Yup!" mikasa smirked at you but didn't ask any further.

You wandered around the campus, looking for him. You heart skipped a beat every time you got closer to where he usually was, the music room. The sound of your heartbeat filled your ears. You peaked in just to make sure he was there. Your eyes spotted a girl with blonde hair, she was talking to armin? Your eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell? Armin talking to someone at school?" He never spoke to anyone other than you, eren and sometimes mikasa. You listened closely, putting your ear on the door. You heard muffled voices, the sound grew louder. "Were they arguing?" Their voices became more clear, you realized they were coming closer. You quickly moved from the door. The blonde hair girl rushed out, bumping into you. She quickly apologized. You felt something drop, you looked on the floor. Your eyes met a bag filled with white powder. It had fell from her pocket when you bumped into each other. You quickly picked it up and placed it into your jeans. You walked in with a forced smile "Hi armin"

After your small guitar session, you worries consumed your mind. You weren't stupid, you knew what that white substance was. You quickly grabbed your phone after saying your goodbyes. You didn't know why he was involved with her but you wanted answers. You also didn't want him to know you were trying to listen to their conversations.

"Hello?" a deeper voice answered your call. "Eren can we meet?"

"Yo, just the two of us today must be serious" he slightly smiled. You asked eren to meet you at Jackson's hole diner. You nodded and told him what you saw. He tapped his finger rapidly. "Y/n it's not my place to tell you anything" you knew that. You were just scared to find out the truth. You sighed "you're right, thanks"

You walked out, your thoughts weighing you down. What eren said was true. Armin was the person who needed to tell you the truth, not eren. Your phone buzzed. It was a message from eren, a link to an address with the words "save him before it's too late"

You ran, your legs becoming heavier and heavier, the address was only a few minuets away yet it felt so far, you felt so far away from him. You picked up your speed, feeling your heart race. You turned the comer, spotting the blonde hair girl and him again. They had the white powder in their hands. You catched your breath, the girl had walked away. The last image you saw was armin taking in the white powder before running up to him smacking it away.

[play kuroi namida]

"Please Armin, tell me it's not true"
A knot forms in your throat. One by one tears fall from your eyes, leaving your under eyes stained black. You couldn't care less, you just wanted his answers. You tried to keep yourself composed but it was so damn hard. He had no idea how much you wanted his response to clear your thoughts, clear your worries.

He lowered his head in shame. You knew the answer, you just wanted to deny the truth. The knot becomes bigger, your eyes becoming bleary.

"It's true, I just wanted inspiration I know it's stupid of me, I'm sorry y/n I'm so sorry"

He opened his mouth, rubbing his eyes with his arms to wipe away his tears. His voice that cracked, that once sounded so beautiful yet he said the words that stung so much, the words you didn't want to hear. Your heart ached.

"I lost myself, I couldn't feel anything anymore, I was scared, scared of everything. I wanted to escape my misery." You were choked up, the pain felt surreal but for him it must've felt worse. You had no idea what he was going through. Every word he spoke was like a knife being stabbed in your heart, cutting deeper and deeper. You were mad at yourself, that you couldn't help him. You felt pathetic, useless. You've been his friend for how long and you never noticed?

Your hands form into fist, he didn't deserve you. You were selfish and just wanted him all to yourself, overlooking his feelings.

"Im sorry armin, that I couldn't protect you, im so sorry" you coughed up your biggest regret. You head was spinning, you didn't know what else to do.
"It isn't your fault y/n!" He screamed, tears pouring out of his eyes, his eyebags clearly visible.
"I'm sorry" your body turned around, you began to walk, knowing how well you couldn't help him. It took every ounce to leave him there, you were barely hanging on. You walked passed him sliently, only hearing you sobs. Your shoulder slightly brushed against his, you knew it was the last time you were going to feel his warmth so you cherished it. The memories flooding by as you walk past him. Unable to put your feelings into words, your whole world came crashing. That night you and armin split up, for good.

Armins pov
I lost her, she was my everything, my muse. I've lost my dreams and my love. My world is coming to an end, I have nothing left. Tomorrow will come with an unfamiliar feeling, and I'll have to face the same pain, if those days are going to continue, then I want to go far away, even if it's selfish of me.

To be continued

If you haven't guessed what this ff is based on then here's the answer. It's based of the nana anime/manga. It's more based on nana & ren and their toxic relationship with finding their selves and becoming this unhealthy relationship that they can't get out of. I'm currently taking finals so I'll be posting more next week bye!