𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒅 {𝑱𝑱𝑲}

Fourteen

"The whole time I have been crossing oceans for people, who won't jump puddles for me."

There is a soundtrack for this chapter.

{Alert: mentions of self-harm}

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The wind gushes past me as it sticks to my figure and I suck in a breath before gushing through the gates of the sky viewed apartment in-front of me, as I stumble into the doorsteps a little more than I imagined myself to, as my hand fumbles on the doorknob after entering the passcode. The brain spins as the room spins around me and I feel the cool floor against my cheek, the sting doesn't affect me even though the insides of mine are numb for the time being.

Hell yeah but that's not actually a big deal, you know try facing your family problems once in a while.

I rake my fingers through my hair as the outnumbered sounds ring in my head, and balancing with my palms I try to get up from the crisp flooring to only fail and attempt for another trial successfully.

 The whole three months comes in a blur, as they have been days I have spent without Sarn, as she had ignored me continuously all throughout, and when I talked about her and me sorting out, she laughed it off, and there my hear gradually broke down hoping for that ounce of her being guilty but she doesn't seem to be any of it.

"Jungkook, one time thing." And their my whole of an egoistic playboy crumbled down, as I realised how much can her words hurt me. It hurt to an extend I can't measure or explain. True to my self I heave a breathe before forming that smirk on my face and spitting out.

"You couldn't take me well, couldn't you? Don't worry I hope you find someone to whom you could get you crumbled once they enter you. Just like me." And with that some cheers, and sighs passed around I leave the place immediately not wanting to have her around me or any undivided attention passed to me.

Surely I have played around hundreds of girls but never have I felt that pang when "one-time thing" sentence had gotten out of Sarnai's mouth, I felt angry, disappointed maybe.

But it hurts more when the person you seemingly thought you trusted more than enough bites you back, knowing your whatever issues you possess. Sarnai was aware of my abandonment issues, the way my real mother had left me while I was a child who had begged to be taken care of, to be showed the side of emotions every kid wants to own and to be born with, but I guess in my life it wasn't a thing or not my cup of tea. I never got the chance to be the sunshine of my mother's eyes but irony lies within that I only turned out to be in darkness, the cage of hopelessness caving me in dark shadows I don't wish to dragged into, and with the condition of alcohol bewitching me, the nearby knife looks more for my undivided attention as I spontaneously find myself dragging my not so sober self to it.

Once the shiny metal comes to my own hands I directly without wasting time drag the edge to the bare part of my stomach after removing my shirt from my body, throwing it somewhere across the room. I hiss at the cold sensation of the metal and how it inserts my skin, blood gushing out of the skin where it peels off giving me an ounce of satisfaction and the corner of my eyes feels watery as the overwhelming feeling pulsates through my veins, its exhilarating one can say. I remove the knife to only feel the wet liquid gushing on my palms, smeared.

Until these past months, she did get under my skin, I couldn't stop thinking about her, it was more of like she had hypnotised me, enchanting me with her every part of her skin. The all nighters pulled with strange girls couldn't get me the way she had made me feel for all those times she had me feel. Today with the influence of Jimin, I had snorted some cocaine which had me moving freely to the grooves of music in the party held by Jimin himself, in his huge ass mansion where the bodies were sweatily and tangibly moving, grinding against each other's bodies.

One thing I am certain, as my phone dings with my dad's icon signifying it's a congratulations message for getting into Columbia for International Business that I will not be sulking anymore as I will be leaving for States as soon as possible. Making sure I sent a thank you for a reply back, I make sure to shut my eyes before drifting to be pulled into a strangulation of a nightmare. 

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very short and not edited:)