Be Careful

Careful...

Merlin didn't know how long he'd been sitting in this tree away from camp, but he did know that he'd surely find some peace now, for it was the middle of the night. No one would bother him at this hour.

Merlin looked at the stars in the night sky and let himself think for the first time in a while. It'd been three months since Freya died and he still wasn't over it. Instead of dealing with his emotions he'd buried them deep into the crevasses of his mind, where he hoped he'd be granted relief from his grief.

He wasn't.

It still haunted him. Every day, hour, minute, second- Merlin was haunted by memories of Freya, of what he'd lost. Merlin just wished they could be together again. He missed her dearly and craved the sense of belonging he'd felt with her. There was some part of him that knew he should be angry at Arthur- after all, he was the one who killed her, but Merlin'd forgiven him because Arthur hadn't known it was her.

Oh, gosh. Arthur.

Arthur thought Merlin didn't know the real reason for dragging him on this "hunting trip," but he did. Merlin knew he hadn't been himself lately- knew that Arthur was beginning to notice- but frankly, he didn't care. Nothing mattered to him anymore, oh no, he'd let Freya begin to "matter" to him and that hadn't turned out well. No, he couldn't care anymore.

Arthur thought that on this little "hunting trip" he would find out what was wrong with his manservant, but he couldn't. Merlin could never tell him without giving away his magic.

A cold breeze hit Merlin, causing him to stand up, wanting to endure the full force of its wrath. It felt good to feel pain, however slight, on the outside instead of the inside for a change. Besides, he deserved it. If it weren't for him, Freya wouldn't be dead.

Merlin looked down at the dizzying drop below him. He hadn't realized he was up so high. It was very high indeed... Maybe I could just end it, he thought. I could be with her again. We could be happy...

Merlin looked at his toes, peeping over the edge of the great tree. It would be so easy, just lean forward, step off. Merlin cocked his head to the side, wondering how much it would hurt, if at all.

"Merlin!" He heard Arthur shout, but didn't answer. He was too focused on the possibility of seeing her again. He felt the wind grace his cheek and touched it, realizing he'd been crying.

"Merlin get down here!" Arthur called again. Merlin could see Arthur's princely form on the ground below, beckoning with his hands. "Come on! It's nearly sunrise and I told you I wanted to get an early start on the hunt!"

Merlin's feet crept slightly further off the branch. Maybe they'd think it was an accident. He was accident prone after all. He stood there for a while longer, pondering this possibility until he heard a rustling behind him. He perked his ears, but didn't turn his head, still staring intently at the ground below.

"Merlin?" Arthur's voice was close behind him, and Merlin could tell the calmness in it's tone was forced. "Merlin why don't you come to me?" To anyone but Merlin, Arthur would have sounded collected and in control, but he could hear the nervousness that lay beneath the surface.

He swallowed. "In a minute." Merlin stated, his voice sounding hoarse from disuse (he didn't talk much nowadays). He continued staring at the ground and came to a decision. Maybe Merlin, Emrys- whatever, did play an important part in the Ince and Future King's destiny, but where did that get him? It seemed like Merlin could never be happy- something always went wrong. This was his one chance at a happy ending. It was now, or never.

Merlin turned around slowly and looked Arthur directly in his eyes. He saw more carefully concealed fear in them than he would have preferred.

"You know I've been happy, right? Being your servant?" He forced out, for his throat seemed to be collapsing on itself.

One of Arthur's hands began to fidget restlessly against the trunk of the tree. "Yes. Why don't you come down and we can talk about it?" He suggested cautiously.

Merlin ignored this and kept talking. "'I'm happy to be your manservant until the day I die.'" He recited, tears brimming on the edges of his vision. He had no idea of what he was doing was right. All he knew was that he was going to see Freya again, and that's all that mattered to him then.

Arthur's eyes widened. "Mer-" he was cut off when Merlin turned stiffly around and screwed his eyes shut. I'll be with her, he reminded himself, and before Arthur could do anything, he stepped into nothingness.

A/N- Comment if you want a part 2 because I have some ideas!