Or, Five Times a Song Changed Everything
For _n0r4_
~~~
When Mark had asked her what she really needed to say, it was of course, within the context of the film. What did Ally need to say? More importantly, what did she need to say to Jackson? It wasn't a difficult inquiry to answer. But unlike most of the songs she'd written, the enormity of this one, its significance, was slightly daunting. Bradley had entrusted the four of them to come up with, arguably, the most important song in the film, the impetus of their love story and she wouldn't have been honest if she'd said it didn't intimidate her, just a little.
He'd already put so much faith in her from the get-go; fought the studio to have her, gone to bat for her more times that she knew he'd even admitted. If something didn't work, it was his reputation on the line. It wasn't so much she wanted her performance to be good for her own sake, it was the fact she didn't want to let him down.
They'd been at the studio for days, literally banging their heads against the wall. The basic hook, the lyrics were solid, but she couldn't help but feel something was missing. It ate away at her, especially since she was unable to put her finger on what it was.
"Gaga, it's nearly two," Mark rubbed his eyes. His unruly hair resembled a Halloween wig as a result of how many times he'd tugged on it. "Should we maybe all head home? Sleep on it?"
"You guys can go. This is driving me crazy. Gotta figure out what's not working here."
She was well aware of how stubborn she could be, though she liked to think of it as tenacity. Mark was just as much of a perfectionist, maybe even more obsessed with work than she was, but it seemed he'd finally reached his limit. Judging by the overflowing ashtray and empty paper cups full of coffee dregs, everyone else shared the feeling.
"You sure?"
"Yeah," she sighed, draping herself over the piano keys. The faint ache in her temples brought her eyes closed. "If inspiration strikes, can I call you?"
"What makes you think I'll be awake?" he responded drily.
"Get outta here." She gestured to the door, "get some rest."
"I'll see you tomorrow, alright? Don't work too hard."
She said goodbye to Anthony and Andrew, embracing them when she walked them out.
"Seriously," Mark paused, touching her arm, "if you find what's missing, I'll be around."
She knew he'd keep his word. The mystery element plagued him, too.
When they'd gone, she sighed, rubbing her fingers over ivory, playing the melody they'd come up with.
"Ally's talking to Jackson," she muttered under her breath. A reminder what the song was to accomplish.
Something struck her then, recalling a conversation with Bradley just the other day.
"Love's so fragile," she'd lamented. They were outside, having one of their rambling talks where the conversation never really stuck to a singular topic. "I always had to choose, you know? My career or love. Because it seems like I can't have both."
They both knew who she was talking about and carefully, Bradley had touched her hand. "Maybe...maybe it's about protection, you know? Figuring out someway to keep it safe, just yours, so outside things don't get it the way."
"Guess I haven't managed to put that together yet."
Presently, in the dimly lit room, she covered her mouth.
