Your Hand in Mine || Chaelisa

Season 3 - 7

Lisa decides they are in dire need of a break - and calories - after going through such heavy emotional experience. Chaeyoung doesn't object one bit. Especially when Lisa passes by the whole grain bread that she keeps mostly for Lisa's benefit anyway. "If we're making French toast," she announces, "we're gonna make it right."

Chaeyoung honestly doesn't care if Lisa serves her an empty plate as long as she stays with her like this. Smiling like this. Joking like this. Looking at her like this, with calm, muted adoration that feels -- confident. Whole. Just like her.

"Aren't you going to help me?" Lisa asks, one eyebrow raised teasingly as she glances at her.

Chaeyoung pretends to think about it. "I'm good." She barely manages to
catch the towel Lisa throws at her, laughing. "Really? Resorting to domestic abuse?"

At that, Lisa scoffs. "You haven't seen anything yet. That was nothing," she says, pointing at Chaeyoung with a spatula. Chaeyoung hums.

"Maybe you could... educate me sometime," she tells her, coming up to Lisa and leaning against the counter while she watches her whip the eggs. Lisa doesn't falter as she replies with an amused chuckle.

"Is that your delicate way of asking me to punish you?" She flashes an exaggerated suggestive smirk, and Chaeyoung is about to response, but the smile quickly fades as Lisa drops her gaze to the bowl in front of her, slowing her movements down until she's completely still. The suddenly tense silence falls over them. And Chaeyoung -- Chaeyoung doesn't know how to break it.

They may have made it out, but not without scars. Each one different - each one still painful.

"It's not like..." Lisa's lips twitch in a brief, sad smile. "I think I've made a great contribution as it is." She sharply snaps her head up to look at Chaeyoung again when she reaches out and lightly touches her arm, but other than that, she doesn't move.

Chaeyoung doesn't speak right away. For a moment, she allows herself to enjoy the feeling of Lisa's skin. "I don't think you realized that's what you were doing. Honestly..." She raises her hand to sofly cup Lisa's cheek, ensuring she doesn't turn away as she stares her in the eye. "I don't think that's what you were doing."

"But it was," Lisa says quietly. "Your letters -- they took me back to that time, and I -- I wanted to hurt you, Chaeyoung." She reaches up to place her hand on Chaeyoung's that's caressing her cheek, and closes her eyes for a second. "I wanted to cause you pain. As much pain as you caused me. More, even."

Chaeyoung tries to swallow the bitter lump in her throat. She takes a deep breath, to try and calm herself down. To think rationally. She's had plenty of time to do that before. She wants Lisa to do that now. "Okay," she says slowly. "Okay. And what did you do to retaliate?"

At that Lisa blinks. Frowns. "I..."

When it's clear she's not going to continue, Chaeyoung speaks again. "When we had sex," she pauses, thinking of a way to phrase her question better. "Did you think of it as punishment? Were you so detached intentionally?"

Lisa's eyes flash. "No," she says. "I didn't think about it. I just couldn't... I couldn't stay away," she finishes quietly. Her fingers curl around Chaeyoung's, and Chaeyoung lets her take her hand off her cheek, smiling when Lisa doesn't let go.

She takes another deep breath. "And when you didn't let me touch you," she says, softly, slowly, "did you think of it as punishment?"

It takes Lisa a bit longer to reply. "No. I was... too hurt to let you do that. I was -- afraid."

Chaeyoung nods. "And when you wouldn't talk to me, or stay with me," she thought the reminder wouldn't hurt this much after all the progress they've had, but it still does, and she struggles not to let tears fall. But Lisa gets closer to her, and smoothes a thumb over her cheekbone before resting her forehead against hers, as if telling her that it was okay. That she should let go. And so she does, feeling them slowly slide down her face. "When you didn't want anything to do with me - did you think of it as punishment?"