Chapter 2
As I walk through the halls of my school, I feel eyes looking upon me, but every time I look, no one’s looking… I’m not paranoid, I’m just stereotypical. It’s something that I really don’t like about myself, and it’s something that I try and work on every day, but I’ve grouped everyone into one. I’m an outcast, I’m one of those people that you see and say that they aren’t very social and they probably like being alone. For the most part though, you’re wrong. Sure I like being by myself every now and then, but it’s not something I like to be doing all the time. I used to be very social, but then again I was a very different person back then. Now I’ve been a lot less social, but I’m starting to change that. At one point in my life I believed that I hated myself, my life, and everyone around me. My views shifted and bended every now and then but for most of my young life, I didn’t believe in myself.
I believed that I was an extra pawn in life. I believed that I was just an unimportant role in life that was just there to support a bigger role. In chess terms, I was the small pawns in front that were sacrificed so that the queen could move into a good position. For years I had only thought of myself as unimportant, that it wouldn’t matter if I had ever gotten married, been happy, or even lived up to the age of 20. When people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always reply, alive. To them it was a joke, but to me, it was the truth. I had dealt with depression, cutting, and pills. I should have died on multiple occasions, but because I lived I always told myself “it’s not my time”. After that I would live longer helping as many other people as I possibly could, and then try again. I was wrong though, I was terribly wrong. I had lived like this for a long time until the biggest event in my life so far had occurred. The pills had worked.
