MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING ; SUICIDE, SELF DOUBT, BIG VENT.
fuck me for standing up for myself. fuck me for believing i did something good. fuck me for being so fucking selfish to try and swallow pills until my heart stops. fuck me for being a little, bratty bitch. fuck me for everything.
i need to move on from everything that's gone wrong. everytime i think of it i push something or someone away, and then i'm alone again. utterly alone. everytime i try to do anything, everything overleaks and then it's just me again. me and those fucking pills.
if i were to kill myself, i don't think people would really notice. they would cry about it for a few months and then they would just move on. people wouldn't remember i even existed. even if i did, they wouldn't really care. it would just be a regular, normal thing.
i guess i'm just seen as a toy by other people. or a football. they just throw me around like a hot potato, wanting to hold me for a seconds, but not too long since they don't want to get burnt. people don't want to be friends with me. i want to be friends with them, and at the end their stuck with me. it's not like i can keep those friendships.
i have friends, but really it's just me and my head. what if they aren't real..? what if they are all just fake and i'm going crazy. stupid, stupid me. believing in this shit. i'm doing something wrong. i know i am. god, this is all my fault. FUCK. ME.
YOU ARE READING
vent book.
Poetryvents. no joking around or judging. this is me expressing my feeling. tws: mentions of depression, tics, anxiety, suicide, self harm, derelization, desociating and vents. (sorry i cant spell.) this book won't be written in as much as my others, sin...
