Seeking His Lost Memories

Kabanata 01

Kabanata 01

Wish

Limang taon. I've been longing for him for five years. I've been suffering because of him. Pero bakit ang labo naman? Bakit palaging inaayawan ako ng tadahana?

Does he forget about me? 

Pagkatapos niya bang inoperahan hindi niya man lang ba ako naaalala? I open my life on all the social media platforms for him to easily find me. Pero wala parin aking natanggap kahit kaunting mensahe man lang galing sa kaniya. 

My phone cautiously beeps kaya napadungaw ako ng tingin doon. I saw the message of Aimee. 

Aimee:
Are you feeling okay right now?

My tears slowly dropped on their own… Pagkatapos kasi naming bumisita sa Museum, agad aking umuwi at nagdadahilan na hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko. Ewan ko ba. Samu't sharing emosyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. 

Yes, I am freaking happy because I knew that Laurence is alive, but half of me asks a lot of questions… Bakit hindi niya naisipang kamustahin man lang ako? Pero dapat mas maging grateful nalang ako diba Kasi naging successful ang operasyon niya. 

While being preoccupied, something pops in my head. I hurriedly get my phone and I search his name on Google. Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang nagtitipa ako sa buong pangalan niya. It's been a while since I write his full name using my hands. Lots of articles showed up after searching his name but something really caught my attention.

May isang picture akong nakita. I click the fourth pic from the images of Google. The picture was him… From the appearance up to his posture. I was very sure this guy was him. I immediately zoom the photo even if my hands were still trembling. My heart keeps on beating so fast and I can't control to stop it. Pero sa kalagitnaan ng pagtitig ko, may napansin akong kakaiba… Parang may nagbago. His eyes didn't produce sparks like before, It was traced by grim and sadness.

Laurence was just staring seriously at the camera and his all overreactions shows no interest at all. 

Yung ibang litrato na nakita ko pa ay hindi ko na pamilyar. Mga kapangalan niya lang ang mga ito. I heaved a deep breathe. I am really determined to seek him but I don't know how to start. Gustuhin ko mang sundan at hanapin ko siya sa Amerika pero napakahirap namang gawin iyon. 

I need to get my annual salary for a year to go after with him. Saka kakapasok ko palang sa PhilArts Company kaya wala pa akong masyadong naipundar na ipon. 

Napabaling ang atensyon ko sa bintana ng kwarto. Napangiti nalang ako nang naalala ko ang batuhan namin ng papel ni Laurence noon. How I wish I could go back to that time and I will spend every bit of the second that I could possibly spend with him. How I wish we made more memories and recollections with each other. Sobrang na-miss ko talaga siya. 

"Lauren, let's eat our dinner na…" 

My senses came back in reality as I heard the voice of my mom. 

"Sige po." sagot ko nito at napabalikwas ng bangon galing sa pagkakahiga ko. 

Ganun parin naman ang pamilya ko. Si Mama ay conyong housewife parin, si Papa naman ay nandoon parin nagta-trabaho sa isang community hospital ng  Beez, habang si EJ naman ay nagsisimula na ang pagbibinata. But our closeness as siblings didn't change. Minsan nga mapag-usapan namin yung kapatid ni Laurence na si Sheena, na crush na crush pala ng kapatid ko noon.

"Ano, anak? Bumuti naba ang pakiramdam mo? Did you take the medicine that I had given to you?" my father ask me immediately as he saw me in the dining area. 

"Hmm. Yeah." I lied. "Thank you po." Hindi ko naman talaga kailangan ang gamot, pero wala akong maipapalusot kung bakit bigla-bigla nalang akong umuwi galing sa trabaho. 

Papa nodded his head. They talk lots of things at panay lang kami ni EJ sa pakikinig sa mga magulang namin. Maya-maya pa, Mama shift the topic. 

"How's your pag-aaral, EJ?" she asked. 

"It's good. Wala namang masyadong ganap sa school namin ngayon." my brother answered. 

When my brother steeps on in the Highschool life, I noticed something about his personality. He became more studious and mature. Tsaka pansin ko rin ang pagiging suplado niya sa ibang tao. Minsan nga sinusupladuhan ako. Maybe it's because of his growth hormones.

For the whole five years, my family was doing great except for me. I mean… I am doing great too but I feel a huge void in my heart. Parang may kulang parin. At alam ko naman kung ano ang rason kung bakit ako nakaramdam ng ganito. 

After we ate, inutusan ni Mama si EJ na maghugas dahil masama daw pakiramdam ko. Napasimangot naman ang kapatid ko nang marinig iyon. I went inside to my room and get my laptop. Nakatanggap agad ako ng maraming messages galing sa mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho. And their messages were all the same. They ask me how I am feeling right now.

Agad akong nagreply sa group chat namin na okay lang naman ako at papasok na ako bukas. The manager of our company replies to me. 

Boss Marcus Galvadores: By the way Ms. Buenaventura, about doon sa pagiging tour guide niyo ni Ms. Ty, pinalitan pala kita sa isang kasamahan niyo. I saw how you trembled earlier and I don't want you to get pressured. Always take care of yourself. 

Napangiti naman ako sa sinabi ni Sir Marcus. Sa lahat ng mga managers namin sa Phil Arts Company, si Sir Marcus lang ang naging close namin. He's too caring and he dearly appreciates each of us in the firm. Kaya hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit maraming nagkagusto sa kaniya lalong lalo na si Aimee. Maliban kasi sa pagiging gwapo niya sobrang bait pa. 

Hindi pa naman ako nakaramdam ng antok sa ngayon kaya napagdesisyunan kong lumabas muna ako at magpapahangin lang sa labas. I directly get my coat and wear it before I took off outside. 

As soon as I departed on the outside, the cold air hugged and greeted me tightly. Napakalamig ng simoy ng hangin. I am slowly closing my eyes and feeling the cinch in the air. Napabuga naman ako ng malalim na hininga bago naglakad-lakad sa paligid. 

While I was strolling around, I suddenly reach the Mango Tree. I leave a small smile on my lips as I remember how our first night was spent here. Dito nangyari ang unang gabing bonding naming dalawa ni Laurence. I remember how he shows his talent in painting to me because I was a freak who doubts him a hundred percent. Pinakita niya talaga ang galing niya sa pagpinta at napatunayan niya nga iyon. 

I look up in the sky full of stars. Nostalgia was creeping out with me and those beautiful memories that we shared always flashed back into my memories. Later on, there's a streak of light appeared across the night sky. A shooting star! Napalaki ang mga mata ko at dali-daling pumikit para humiling na para bang bata.

"Sana... Makita ko na ulit siya." I whispered.