Quackity Cleans with Marie Kondo || Quacknoblade ||

"It didn't spark joy"

There were many things that Karl expected to see when he entered Quackity's apartment: a bowl of raw potatoes, giant duck plushies, a cat, a poster of Technoblade's face, and possibly the occasional nest in the middle of the walkway.

What he did not expect, when he was invited to visit Quackity and Techno with Sapnap that afternoon, was to be met by a completely spotless apartment. No cup out of place, all the clothes that were on the floor now sorted into drawers and closets. Not even a speck of dust on the dinner table.

See, Quackity was not a person you would define as clean or organized. Even if he tried to clean, his duck-hybrid nesting instincts would often get in the way, making what used to be cleaned laundry that he was going to fold, into his "nest" in the middle of the living room.

Just a few days ago, if you asked Karl what advice he would give if you saw Quackity and a clean apartment, he would have told you to run away as fast as you could because the world was probably coming to an end.

But here he was, staring at Quackity's clean apartment, wondering if Quackity went through some sort of midlife identity crisis.

"Uh, oh wow," Karl didn't know what to say, "your guy's apartment is, um, cleaner than usual."

Techno walked into the room, placing down two cups of steaming hot tea for the two guests.

"Yeah," Techno replied, "ever since Quackity found Marie Kondo's cleaning seasons on Netflix, he's been completely crazy about cleaning."

"I'M NOT CRAZY!" came a defiant reply from Quackity in the other room.

Technoblade chuckled. "Sure, just keep on dreaming. It's a good thing."

In lieu of a reply, Quackity just stomped out of the room and slapped Techno on the face. Surprised by the slap, Techno's eyes widened. Quackity stuck his tongue out.

Not sure what to do, Karl awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Oh," Quackity turned around, as if just noticing that Karl and Sapnap were watching him, "hello."

Quackity covered his face in embarrassment while Techno and Karl laughed at him. Once they quieted down, Karl decided to ask about Quackity's potential midlife crisis.

"Um," Karl started, "what is this new cleaning style that you went crazy for? In fact, when did you even start cleaning?"

Quackity practically jumped with happiness, grabbed Karl's arm, and dragged him into each room, explaining what he did with each.

"The master cleaner, Marie Kondo, had a whole method of how you should clean your house," Quackity explained, "if the item brought joy, you keep it, and if it doesn't, toss it. It's quite simple."

Sapnap, who had joined them sometime in the middle of Quackity's excited ramblings about Marie Kondo, nodded in understanding. The smile on Sapnap's face was disturbing, and Karl doesn't want to know what will happen when they get home.

To prevent any future crimes that might happen, Karl interrupted Quackity.

"That's great! Thank you Quackity for showing us."

Quackity beamed. Sapnap still had a murderous smile on his face. Karl slapped Sapnap. Chaos ensured.

One moment Karl and Sapnap were glaring at each other, the other moment the two were on top of each other, play fighting in the middle of the living room. Quackity looked horrified as one of the potted plants moved one inch away from the spot it was in. Technoblade had to hold Quackity back from committing a murder due to a potted plant.

After they all calmed down, Quackity spoke up again. "So, where do you guys want to go for lunch? Techno and I found a mall near our apartment and the food court has some of the best food."

Techno hummed in agreement. "Maybe we can buy some roasted duck as well just to spite Quackity," he added, chuckling at the way Quackity's wings puffed as he squawked in protest.

...

"SAPNAP," Karl screeched, "why did you burn down that warehouse?! I thought we agreed on no arson until after 9 AM!"

It was the next day, the sun had barely risen. Everything was serene: birds were chirping, the sunlight's warm rays made patterns along the shimmering dew-ridden grass. All was normal; well, all except the burning warehouse in the middle of the clearing.

What once was a broken down shed was now engulfed in flames, the fire licking and crackling against the old tattered-looking wood.

"It didn't spark joy." Sapnap merely shrugged, shoving his flint and steel into his pocket and headed out.

Karl sighed. It was too early for this.