The memory of a voice

Chapter 6: The truth

The kiss electrified all my senses, but it didn't last longer than a mere second. Julian stiffened and placed his hands on my shoulders pushing me back. He was staring at me with disbelief.

"Why?" He asked me while frowning.

"What why? You know very well why!" My voice was coarse and rippled with frustration, anger was gushing through my veins. He was trying to step back, but my hands were still gripped onto his collar and I was determined to not let him get away. At least, not yet...

"Why do you hold on to me? After all, I've done, I've ignored you, played you around! I just don't get it..."

A sneer escaped my lips. "Right... You've been acting off lately, that's for sure, but I know not to judge a book by its cover. You've shown me sides of you that I'd like to see more! I'm sure you're not as bad as you want me to believe..." I dropped my hands off of him, and walked a few steps backward, and lifted my arms beside me, palms upwards. "I might be a fool, and I might be making a big mistake, but... I've been living for two years without taking any risks. Look where it led me? My life was boring and I was lonely! Now I might be stubborn and impulsive, but I know what I'm feeling... And unless you tell me straight to my face, you don't like me and that I'm a sore to your eyes, I don't want to give up."

Fine droplets of water started to fall from the sky, slowly wetting my face as I looked up at the dark sky. I sighed a muffled curse. "Wonderful... Now that too..."

Julian passed his hand nervously through his hair, combing it backward. "I truly don't know what to say... I really don't hate you Ethan, but I can't drag you into my problems. I just can't!"

I snickered, annoyed by his behavior. "Fine... You can't even say you like me or not..." The rain was starting to pour down harder and I wiped my face with my hand. "You're the worst Julian... Really... Fine I get it... But don't you dare show up at my door or reach out just to play with my feelings again... I won't take it anymore."

My eyes were glaring at him, but all he did was remain silent, standing in the rain like a statue. I clenched my jaw and made another step back. "Goodbye... Julian" The words were heavy in my mouth, I didn't like the sound of them at all. Tears were starting to mingle with the rain on my cheeks, the pain was pouring through my throbbing heart and I let it flow. I turned around and started to walk away, back to my apartment.

"Haa... Wait, Ethan! Please!" He yelled pleadingly at my back, but I kept on walking. It was pointless to keep on discussing this, and I was in enough pain as it was. I could hear his steps running towards me on the wet pavement, but I kept on walking faster, determined not to turn around. My arm got pulled back and made me spin abruptly. He was shaking and had a hard time controlling his breath. "Fine... I'll tell you all I can... Just... Don't go... please..."

I raised an eyebrow, still not sure I could trust his words. "You'll tell me? You're not pulling another joke are you?"

He let out a heavy sigh, his grip still firm on my arm. "No, but you need to promise me... that whatever I'm about to tell you, you will keep it to yourself."

I nodded silently and repressed a wince at the pain shooting through my arm he was holding on to. He seemed to notice nonetheless because he let go of me mere seconds later, mumbling an apology. "Sorry... didn't mean to hurt you..."

I rubbed off the pain and shrugged. "It's nothing..."

He bit his cheeks and dropped his gaze. "Okay..." His hand combed his hair back again, I noticed he seemed to be doing that whenever he was uncomfortable. I was still waiting with a bit of annoyance, for him to start explaining himself. "You better start talking, or I'm really gonna leave..."