Alexandrian Conspiracy

My sweaty heart (Late 300 BC)

When I was a little girl, my mother passed away, but I felt impartial to it. Here in the Sahara people drop like flies, especially frail women like my mother. Named Thalia, after one of the 9 muses of knowledge very important to our city of Alexandria. My father wept at her passing, but I felt a great deal of vicarious embarrassment. For he loved her for her beauty, but was aloof and unaware of her intelligent contributions to which she devoted her life too. He was caring but an impatient man who didn't know the time it would take to make her happy. I cannot fault him for this flaw as I was born with his temperament, and stubbornness, like my father, my mother treated me more like a beloved pet. I'm not sure if she ever knew the difference between people and animals. 

After her passing my father became increasingly distant, and it made me angry, had he forgotten that I still need someone. My anger was swelled and I swallowed it every day. Till eventually I learned to be patient and alone, however men still had a way to crumble any patience I had. I lie in my bed, warmed by the linens and comforted by the rain of the oncoming monsoon season.

"Siena, come listen to me, for once."

"If you're trying to console me, its not needed." 

"Quit being a selfish youth, this is important."

I come out of my room, the floor is made of cold hard mud and it stains my feet a bright red when I walk on it, my feet are clean as the last day I've washed them, how long have I spent in my room?

"Tell me your story already, I don't want to look at your sad face longer than I have too."

My father is a laborer, strong as a rock, tall as a marbled pillar, Mother must have felt comforted in his arms, I don't know how that feels, nor do I want too. I laugh at the thought of his small mouth hidden in his droopy beard.

"This is important, the monsoon is coming and this year marks the growing of age. It's about time you start learning a trade, I won't be working forever and you need to think about your future."

he's right, but I don't know what to say...

"Siena, when I was a boy, I wanted to become a man, prove myself to everyone who looked down on me, it's why I left Athens, it wasn't challenging enough for me, I didn't want to waste my life in some ivory tower feeling incompetent among all the scholars in my family. That life isn't for me, and I hope it's not for you either. I've done all I wanted too, proved myself to everyone, now it's time for you to do the same."

"Prove myself how, by getting some job, raising some kid, father my options are few and none of them satisfy me. Why can't you just be happy with whatever I am now?"

"I am, but I'm not proud of you."

I felt like yelling, blowing my lid off, but instead I turned away and walked out of the house, I stooped on a ledge and tried to hold in tears as the earthy rain gathered in a puddle at my feet. Some time passed and my father didn't call out to me, he must have felt content with his lecture and went to bed, uncaring as always.

I always remembered that night, the night I fell asleep by the street, unwilling to argue, but still proving a point regardless. Its who I am, I'm not in control of my circumstances', but I won't let them control me.