Besotted By You

You

'My dear A-Yu,
If you are reading this then I am glad Wei found you. This would also mean one more thing that I will not be there anymore for you.
Its been more than a year, and this Jie terribly misses her clingy and whiny A-Yu. There are so many things I want to say, I want to share but its just like now except loneliness, I have really got nothing. If you are reading this then first things first.

Sorry A-Yu,
I apologise for being the inconsiderate soul I was towards you and especially towards your feelings. We let you down. I let you down. And I deeply apologise for that dear didi.

A-Yu, I am pregnant. Can you imagine? A little life is inside my womb. Do you remember the days we would either put balloon or pillows inside our clothes to act pregnant when we were kids? Haha, now I literally am. Wei was elated but things never go as they are planned. Life punishes people for the sins they commit and I think this is my punishment.

My pregnancy has many complications and doctors are afraid that I wouldn't be able to survive and this child too. I haven't told Wei about this. He is already so tensed but I will let him know soon
He doesn't have his support system. I don't have either. I don't know whether I can bring this little life in this world or not. If this letter finds you then yes A-Yu, your jie is no more otherwise I would never have written like an old freak (jokes apart) but would have found you in flesh and blood. Now that you are gone we realised how much we were depended on you. How much we usually take our family for granted! Sorry A-Yu.

Sorry for the times I fought witg you. I won't fight now if you come back and I promise to cherish you better. Well not fighting isn't included in the promise. I would not let Maa and Paa turn you out. I wouldn't be a rival to you in your love life. I am sorry. Sorry for the time when you were fighting alone all the while with Wei's and our parents. You suffered and this terrible sister didn't even got to know about it until we returned from honeymoon.

Sorry for being an inconsiderate sister who became your love nemesis. I swear A-Yu, I wasn't aware didi. I wasn't aware about your feelings for Wei. Know that I would have never ever done something to hurt you to this extend. I may not know the pain of heartbreak but I can relate. If losing you is so painful for us then you lost everything my dear brother. Maa, paa, Wei and me. I don't even want to imagine the pain.

Sorry for the time when you cried when Wei proposed me and you said you were emotional because he stole me from you. We laughed at that time but no one would have imagined that there was a heart that was breaking. When everyone was busy celebrating our union, no one heard the breaking of a heart and I feel terrible to accept the fact that I didn't too. No one would have thought those tears were of both pain of unrequited love and happiness for his sister and best friend. I am terrible and I am terribly sorry for this.

One have said that you cannot build your empire on other's happiness. I guess its true. Wei and me love each other, respect each other alot but there is something missing in our lives and though we are close, there seems a distance between us. We are not open to each other but very secretive about our thoughts and things. We do not rely or I guess, believe each other enough with our insecurities and beliefs and mind you it has nothing to do with you. Its just our life and its me rambling about my married life.

Wei has lost his best friend. I have lost my brother and believe me A-Yu, we tried to find about you and your whereabouts. Till now we are searching for that one clue so that we can know where you are. We asked our parents and though they know where you are, they haven't told us. We only know that they have shifted you somewhere far, out of our reach for our so called "welfare". You are our welfare Yu. You have always been.