How You Get The Girl

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It was the greatest heartbreak of my life. I felt lifeless for a while. It's like my dreams were shattered, my heart broken into tiny million pieces. As I recall this nightmare, I couldn't stop myself from feeling the pain, for I have given him my everything... And just like that, he shut me out of his life.

I've dreamed of my future with him, me having his last name, him being the father of my kids, us growing old together... I even came to the point of picturing out our future babies having our mixed blood, having his eyes, having my nose and skin and having a mixed American-Aussie accent. Yes that far. But what happened to us?

I can still remember the time when we travel together, happily chatting over dinner, playing xbox and playstation at 2 in the morning, surprise gifts at the most random days, video calls till we fall asleep, our random road trips... I miss him, I miss us, I miss everything about us. How can I move on when everything in my house has a special memory that reminds me of him, in every corner I see him, in my bed I can smell him. I guess dealing with a heartbreak has got to be the most terrible thing a woman has to do. And the question of how long will it take me to get over him is like asking to count the stars... That hard, that hopeless.

As I was dealing with this heartbreak, staying happy was a really big struggle. I had to keep that wide smile on my face while inside I just really wanted to cry, I had to keep up cause that's part of my job. And only the people experiencing the same thing would understand. It's so damn hard... Staring blankly while holding back the tears, crying yourself to sleep, pretending you're okay, forcing to forget and the list goes on. You had to go through the day without him. Of course the people around me know what I've been going through, and my family & friends have been showing support and encouragement. They were the first ones who'd like to see me smiling and the last ones who'd want to see me crying.