Born Different

Freedom

Thursday a day like any other. The orderleys inject me with sedatives and then wheel me into the room to talk to Dr. Peirce again. Our conversations are one of the few things I enjoy. The chats are pleasant but they usually have little to them. Afterall I've been locked in Shadyhills for nearly nine years. I've never displayed aggressive behavior with or without tranquilizers in my system. The office phone started ringing and Doctor Peirce answered it. After several grunts and listening for nearly a minute his face went cold.

He cleared his throat and hung up the phone. He sat down across from me at his desk pen and notepad in hand. I looked at my hands cuffed and locked together. My right hand and arm covered in bandages and medical tape. I never saw it uncovered not even when bathing. Every day I'm injected with a mild sedative when the nurse assigned to me is scheduled to bath me. I can use the bathroom on my own but not without my right arm wrapped up. The nurse assigned to me was an attractive woman in her early twenties. The thought of her distracted me until Doctor Pierce spoke up.

"Gage can you hear me?"
I nodded and apologized. The doctor continued talking.
"It's your eighteenth birthday today and in a couple of weeks you'll be released into the custody of your closest living relative which would by your aunt Margret" I nod once taking stock of the information that I've heard only twice before. The first time I was told about aunt Margret I was nine years old and was placed in the children's ward. Even then they had me drugged and isolated from the other patients. The doctors and orderleys seemed scared shitless of me. I didn't know why. I never acted out and I was afraid of everything. I missed my mother but every night I slept all that came to mind was her limp form on the ground and my father standing over her a knife in his hand. He turned to me and lunges the knife at me. My right hand touches his face and suddenly I wake up in my bed in a cold sweat. Sitting up in bed my heart hammered against my ribcage as if it were trying to tear itself out of me.

I held my pillow to my face as the heaving sobs escaped my mouth. My lungs felt heavy and sore. I slid out of bed pacing nervously. There was too much to think about. Any attempt to clear my mind brought back images and fragments of thoughts that I was unsure I even had. I gaze out my window the wire mesh made it difficult to make out the pearscent glow of the moon. The fences and staff vehicles were dusted with the ivory polish of the moon's glow. My reflection in the mirror looked almost like a ghostly copy of myself was floating on the outside of the window looking in on me. The amber color of my right eye clashed bitterly with the hazel of the left eye. My skin was almost pale enough to be gray. The unkempt patch of hair on my head reminded me of cousin it from the Adam's family. I let out a slight chuckle before that moment of humor was over. It would be best if the light was left off lest I alert any of the staff. I lay back down on my side in bed looking at the wall. My thoughts so fast that I can't keep track. After several minutes I close my eyes as sleep takes me again.

Dawn came in what felt like seconds. Today was the day. I was scheduled to be released to the custody of my aunt Margret. I was given a haircut, a duffel bag full of clothes and my right arm was wrapped heavily with bandages and medical tape. To be honest I hadn't seen my right hand in nine years. Even in seclusion my arm was wrapped tight and I was always sedated and wrapped before any type of interaction or activity. The other patients kept their distance when I'd pass them in the halls or even if I was just trying to be polite.

I sat in my room duffel bag packed with books I'd gotten as birthday and Xmas gifts and clothes I was given. I gazed out the window. It was explained to me that my aunt was picking me up directly from the institute. The only sounds I could pick up on were the ticking of the clock and my own silent breaths. My eyes close. Again I found myself reliving the moment from nine years ago. The long hall bathed in pearlscent moonlight and the voices of my parents echoed down the hall grew louder as I drew closer. I walked down the hall calling for my mother. I follow the voices until I find myself just around the corner from the master bedroom. I hear shouting and an argument that I can't remember with much clarity.

I rounded the corner as a scream cuts through the shouting. On the floor crumpled in a heap was mom. My father loomed over her his eyes wild with a look of fear and anger. I spot the glint of a bloody kitchen knife clenched in his fist. Upon noticing me in the doorway he rushes at me and slashes at me with the knife. The blade slashes my outer shoulder and I fall onto my back. As my father slashes down my right hand grabs his face as he kneels down to finish me off. He says something as my hand grips his face but I can't hear his voice over my own racing heart and labored breathing.

I'm about to finish reliving what I remember about that night for the umpteenth time as a nudge to my shoulder shakes me out of the dream. It was doctor Peirce. I scooped up my luggage before staggering slightly. Doctor Peirce helped me right myself and escorted me to the main administration office. I signed a stack of documents acknowledging my change of guardianship. The pen felt good in my hand. Almost a natural feeling that I couldn't quite shake. I was then placed in the waiting room. Several minutes passed as nurses, orderleys and the occasional doctor would pass through the office just outside of the waiting room.

Looking down at the checkerboard pattern of the tiles I pictured a miniature battle unfolding as though chess pieces had come to life. White pawns were dogpiling the opposing rook piece as a pair of knights engaged in a battle to the death. The white knight was run through by the black knight's sword but as the victor turned away to revel in his win the mortally wounded white knight pulled the sword from his body and with one clean swing beheaded the black knight. The black knight faded into dust and as he did the mortally wounded white knight fell to his knees and looked up at me. He almost appeared to see me and grinned as he too faded into dust. The battle field cleared itself. The only two standing were a pair of bishops who were engaged in a debate rather than coming to blows. In a moment or two the imaginary battle faded from my mind's eye. The door opened and a tall brunette woman looking to be in her mid thirties entered the office. She wore an old Metallica t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. Her hair was styled into a braided ponytail reaching her waist.

After a couple of seconds she turned to see me sitting in the chair. I recognized her face immediately. She looked just like my mother. My mother and my aunt were identical twins. I knew they were twins but I only saw my aunt in person one other time before that day. That only other time was when I was a toddler who was barley able to walk. Her eyes seemed to prod me gently as if to examine me. She approached me and sat beside me. Her hand held my left wrist in a gesture of assurance.

I followed as she led me to her car. I gently slid my duffelbag onto the backseat and closed the door. I took my seat in the passenger seat. My aunt looked at my bandaged and wrapped arm. It was only out of the corner of her eye but I caught it. She cleared her throat before speaking.

" There are a couple things we need to discuss and I hope you'll understand what I'm going to tell you when we get home"

I nodded wanting to be sure aunt Margret knew I was listening. I buckled my seat belt and gazed over my shoulder as Shadyhills slowly shrank before vanishing into the horizon.