Avalon twiddled her thumbs idly as she stared out of her window. They passed by several trees and buildings. With ear-buds in her ears, her music made her feel like she was in a movie. She had been dreading this day since January of her Junior year. She knew she wasn't ready for this, but her parents and therapist insisted that she return to school. As if she had a limited supply of oxygen, she inhaled as much air as her lungs would allow. Although her lungs felt like they'd burst from keeping all the air inside, she counted to five before exhaling. Once she exhaled, she felt relaxed just as she knew she would. Immediately after she set foot on the massive ship, she planned on going straight to her room and not leaving it unless it was necessary. It was just too risky. If she was out by the pool, people would notice and start asking questions about the incident. To avoid answering those questions, she requested to be home schooled for the past two years. "Mom, it's not too late to turn around and go home," she pointed out as they drove past the sign informing them that the harbor was ten miles away.
From the passenger seat, her mother gave her a sympathetic look. Ever since she was a little kid, her mom was the one that was always on her side. "This will be good for you, I promise," she said the same thing she heard a hundred times in the past few days. Avalon pressed her lips together and rested her head on the window. That promise instantly irritated her. No one ever bothered to ask her what she wanted because they all believed that they knew what she needed.
"I don't think it'd be a bad thing if she continued to study at home. I mean, I'd hate for her to miss out on prom and all those activities. But I did see a lot of improvement," Natalia's voice interrupted Avalon's thoughts and brought her back to reality. Most days, Avalon could stand being in the same room as Natalia. She blamed Natalia for her parents divorce and Natalia tried way too hard for acceptance. At first, when Natalia was Brian's girl friend, Avalon didn't mind her being around the house. That impression changed as soon as word got out of a student-teacher relationship between none other than Natalia and her dad. Large age gaps in relationships were enough to make Ava want to throw up.
Ava turned her head to look at the blond beside her who was only a few years older than she. She flashed a small smile that was her way of thanking her. However, it wasn't her mom who had the final say. Her dad was like a rock; once his mind was made up, the chances of changing it were slim to none. Although she doubted she was going to get the reaction she was hoping for, she looked up at the rear-view mirror and waited for her father's response.
In his reflection, she could see him thinking it through and considering each option. "Well, when I was a Senior," he began and Avalon had to stifle the urge to roll her eyes. She had lost count of how many stories began with that sentence. He must have thought it would persuade her to go back to public school. From the few stories she actually bothered to listen to, she knew that high school had changed drastically over twenty years. Effortlessly, she zoned out even though her iPod died ten minutes ago.
Her dad's story wasn't even half way done when they reached the harbor. A small part of her wanted to run onto the ship just to avoid anymore stories, but once she saw the vast amount of students talking and huddled together, the urge vanished. Even before the incident, Avalon struggled with social anxiety. Her parents brushed it off and told her that it was all in her head. So she stopped trying talking to them about that specific disorder. She sighed as shut her eyes. With her eyes shut, she could be anywhere. She pictured herself at home with six year old Brian. That was the only real thing she longed for - she longed to be three again when everything was perfect and everyone in her family was innocent. Fifteen years ago, her brother was the sane Brian she loved. There was no Natalia, no student-teacher relationship and no dysfunction in the Brooklyn family.
Once the urge to live in the past began to grow, Avalon opened her eyes. She knew all too well that if she reminisced for too long, she'd desperately try to stay in the past forever. There were too many questions she had, but the last time she tried to find the answers, she ended up being admitted to the hospital and shutting everyone out. Her dad, opened the door for her and Ava hesitated before stepping out of the car. "You're not ready for this. No one wants you on the ship anyway. Did you really think that by showing your face around them would change your status as the pariah of California? Pariah.. Pariah.. " a cold voice in her head kept repeating like a mantra. Unfortunately, it didn't have the same effect that a mantra would. Instantly, her chest felt heavier and something was preventing her from breathing in the oxygen that was vital to live. The edges of her vision were blurring and were soon followed by complete darkness.
