Route 49 -cth-

-I-

I had gotten used to broken sleep, one hour here, two hours there but lately I couldn't sleep at all. No matter how active I was during the day, when it came to night time I lay wide awake. I read books, watched tv series season after season and still, sleep would not come to me.

It started months ago, people told me the trauma of all that had happened would hit me somehow but I'd declined any kind of help, telling them that I was fine. That seemed like the only sentence in my vocabulary these days "I'm fine" I'd perfected my line now, I was able to say it with meaning to make everyone go away.

Nowadays people seemed to have forgotten that I even existed and for a while I enjoyed it. The not having to talk to anyone to persuade them that I was in fact fine just as I had been telling them over and over. But it didn't take long for it to become lonely. I sort of missed the feeling of having people care about your wellbeing, I guess.

I'd stopped going to school when my sleeping pattern fucked up. I never learnt anything anyway so I didn't see the point in going.

I got dressed into my uniform and left the house at the exact same time every morning and headed to the bus stop and took the first bus that stopped and took it to wherever it was going.

This particular morning as I waited for the bus I sat alone with my earphones on so loud they could easily burst my eardrums. A bus pulled up and I hopped on without noticing how packed it was. There was only one spare seat beside someone. I always preferred to sit alone but today I guess I had no choice.

"Can I sit here?" I asked in my most polite voice even though the boy sitting there looked my age or older, even. He didn't look up at me as he lifted his bag from the seat so I could sit down. He kept his head leant against the window with a sorry look on his face. I wondered why he looked so sad, he was cute, black haired, tanned, brown eyes. A frown didn't suit his pretty face, I let my mind wander as to what his face would look like with a smile set upon his lips.

The bus took off and I kept my earphones in. The bus emptied along the different stops but the boy beside me didn't get up either. We stayed sitting beside each other although I thought about moving seats when the bus was near empty but thought against it.

"I like your taste in music" I jumped at the sound of his voice "I'm sorry?" I asked taking my earphone from my ear "I said, I like your music taste" He said a slight smile on his lips I felt my cheeks get slightly hot "Oh I didn't know you could hear" I told him, I felt embarrassed for some reason "Sorry" I grumbled an apology "Its fine, like I said, I like your music taste. My earphones broke" He lifted up a broken ear piece hanging off the wire of what had been a set of what looked expensive headphones.

"Is that why you look so sad?" I spoke too quickly before I could think over my words "Um.." I'd made him uncomfortable and I didn't know how to fix it. This is why I usually chose to sit alone. Social conversations and small talk were clearly not my kind of thing.

"No that's not why" He laughed awkwardly as he spoke while he tried to play off the obvious hurt in his voice.

"Sorry I didn't mean to upset you" I told him quickly he gave me a smile "I know you didn't, don't worry you're not the first one" I didn't understand what he meant by that but as I didn't even know his name I didn't feel it was my place to ask his life story.

Silence fell upon us and I felt like I needed to keep talking to fill it but I couldn't think of anything go say. The sound of a phone ringing broke the awkward silence and I was glad it was his not mine.

"I don't want to talk" He said as he answered his phone before quickly hanging up again.

"Would you like to listen to some music?" I offered him an earphone and he looked relieved as he took it and I turned my music back on.

I didn't notice the time pass until the bus stooled and I realised I was back home again. "This is me" I said unsure of how to ask for my earphone back without sounding rude "Oh sure here you go" He said handing it back to me his lips fell back into the frown that had been on his face previously and for once I yearned to spend more time with him so I could replace it with a smile.

"See you around, be careful" He said I turned to him "I mean with your music volume, wouldn't want you to not be able to hear the beautiful sounds of the outside" He smiled I waved goodbye to him and got off.

That night I slept properly for what was the first time in a long time.