Never again

I have been planning this for the last several years of my life. But I never thought I would actually do this. Never thought I had the courage for it.

 It all started when I was about ten years old, when I found out about my parents' secrets. Now I am seventeen years old and they still live their perfect family life. Well, that is what it seems too. What it seemed to me before I found out. My parents don't know how much I know about them. That I know that my father is actually gay and had never loved my Mom.

 I have always been a curious child so I decided once to read my Dad's old diary. I almost stopped reading it because most of his problems back then seemed to be about his work. But then I got to the more interesting part of the small, black notebook he hide in his closet. He wrote that I was a mistake. That be had always known he was gay but at this party when he was 22 years old and definitely drank too much, he slept with my Mom. It was a mistake he regret but almost forgot about it until he got this phone call from my Mom. She was pregnant. With me. So they decided to get me despite the fact that my Dad had already had a boyfriend back then and my Mom had a crush on that other guy. The played their happily family life for me. That I thought I had perfect parents. That I had a good childhood. But it did not work.

They tried so hard to be good parents for me and to hide the fact, I was a mistake. They probably would have never told me . But then I found everything out and my life was never the same again.

I got deep into depression and started cutting. That's when I started planning. I planned when I would do it, where and how.

I just can't live this life anymore. I don't want to. I don't want to breathe anymore. Never again. And then I jumped.

I hope you enjoyed this very short story.  I know it is not that good but I just really wanted to write about a suizidal teenager.