Don't Think

Chapter 12

I'M NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK

 I was being attacked by my own thoughts. I saw when he buried her the way he showed no emotion at all as he manhandled her body. I heard when she landed in the hole with a big thud. I cringed at the sound. I knew I wasn’t normal. The only place outside my house I actually know is school. I don’t have a phone or laptop or desktop of friends or love. I’ve never been to a restaurant or eaten big fried chicken. It’s like I have never lived. I sat there staring at the roses out in the yard. Looking closely I realized that we were surrounded by them. It’s not even normal for me to go out in the front yard and relax. 

  I hope someday I’ll make it out of here so I can finally know what the world is like. He turned and looked at me and I stood there just staring. “Isn’t it lovely?” he asked, laughing. I began covering the whole and I held my head down with respect for my mom. “She’s okay” a voice in my head said. I held my head up and turned and he was right there. I jumped and placed my hand on my chest and tried to breathe. He walked up to me and covered my nose and my mouth. I gripped his hands as my screams were muffled by his palm and he grabbed onto my windpipe. My eyes blurred and I looked up at him as he looked at me with tears in his eyes.

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I woke up to a song so beautiful. I rubbed my eyes and looked around. I was at a party. People were everywhere with cups in their hands. I looked down at myself, my body dressed in a tight red dress decorated with black flowers and black pearls around my neck. I looked up and smiled as I began to sing to Anne-Marie-2002. “I will always remember the day you kissed my lips-light as a feather and it went just like this no its never been better than the summer of 2002”. I saw him walking towards me dressed in a red and white football jacket and black pants. His curly hair bounced as he skipped towards me. He pulled me up from the chair and held my waist as we began dancing as though we practiced. 

  I placed my hand in his hair and ran it down to his neck where I held as I rocked my hips to the song. “OOPs I GOT 99 PROBLEMS SINGING BYE BYE BYE!” I yelled and he smiled on my neck. He held me tighter and then spun me around so I was now facing him. He never took his eyes from mine. “Emily, forget him, come on” some girls said, dragging me. I felt like I was in a dream. I was about to slam into the wall and I closed my eyes waiting for the impact. I opened my eyes and realized we were in a mustang.

 My hair danced behind me in the breeze and I was sitting in his lap. “Woooooooah!” he yelled and I laughed. I stood up and he held my waist as I yelled because of excitement and happiness as we drove down into the sun.

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I woke up and looked at him staring at me. He removed his hand from my head and sat down. Those were his memories and I could feel that it was real his love was real. I sat up and looked down at my hands as I placed them with my fingers. I slowly looked up at him “T-Thank you for that” I said and he said nothing. I nodded and he said something to himself and then walked away. Suddenly I began smiling and not a good smile. There was something going on in my head, something crazy and weird. I got up and began dancing to nothing, oh but there was a song in my head. “Billie Ellish- Bad Guy” I ran into the wall laughing and knocked myself out. I woke up on the cold floor and slowly got up.

   I got so used to being knocked out that I knew what to do to make it go away. I glimpsed myself in the mirror for the first time in years. I looked…different. My hair was all knotted up, my clothes looked very dirty and long, my face was covered in bruises and my forehead was bleeding. My eyes looked dull and I had no laugh lines. I looked away from myself not wanting to look anymore. I felt a strange feeling inside of me. I wasn’t sad and I wasn’t angry…I was going to be though since I can’t explain the feeling to myself. “You’re very weak…what is the feeling?” 

  Am I normal? Ha what an awkward question…are you asking me? Shut up, I'm talking to myself. Then who do you think I am? Just shush shhhhhhhhh! I was going crazy and I could feel it. They can be very loud even when I don’t want them to be. I sighed and looked around and suddenly I was gone.

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   Like in a daze Emily resumed her old peculiar hunt it was as if the life was shattered from her wishy-washy body. She looked deceased and lifeless walking the halls. Alejan saw and thought she would never know he was afraid. There was no telling what Emily would do and his mom always knew what was happening. He was so afraid that he’d rather dig up his mother’s shallow grave and stay with her there. With smooth almost controlled actions she floated through the halls. Her feet barely touched the floor as she walked startled Alejan. 

     It was as if he wasn’t in the house as she scratched the walls with her fingernails getting splinters in them. She even gnawed at the doors and pulled on her fingernails. Alejan stood behind a door looking at her. He wasn’t sure of what exactly to do to get her out of her state. Her head tilted to the right as if she was trying to lay her head on her shoulder. She pushed at the walls and clawed the doors. Still watching her he slowly emerged from behind the door and walked sideways to the kitchen. He pulled out one of the wooden chairs and slowly sat down looking behind him every second. 

  He heard the scrapes and slowly got up from his seat and stood behind it. His whole body stiffened when she was staring at him. He held his breath and made sure not to look away. He wanted to so badly but he wanted to make sure he had his eyes on her anticipating her every move before she could pull them off. She raised her foot and he backed up, almost tripping over his own foot. She walked closed and he squeezed his eyes shut and felt when she brushed against him. I opened his eyes and looked behind him to see her opening every cabinet in the house.

   He had no idea what she was looking for and neither did she really. She turned moving her lower body first and then her head and walked back into the halls. Alejan pulled the chair and sat down as he finally allowed himself to breathe. She was creepy to him and he couldn’t even understand what was happening. Something was picking at his brain, something familiar, something just like this but what?