My Weeping Willow

My life.

TW: MENTION OF RĀPE, AS$AULT, AND DR^GS.

   "Please, I'm only a child!" I said while being pinned down to the mattress. He pressed my hands above my head, my legs in-between his making me surrender. Tears poured down my face, I was helpless. He touched me without my consent, my face displayed a horrified expression. He rubbed his finger along my privates. '' You're supposed to be my loving foster-dad'' I cried out. Completely ignoring my words, he continued with his own guilty pleasure. I was only ten then, that memory still haunts me to this day.

   I was raped.

   Seven years later, and I'm a drug dealer. Quite the time skip. I always wondered what my life would be only if I was normal but I wasn't. "Psst, over here" said an old scruffy voice. I looked in the darkest alley and there he was, my best client. "Jerry" I said in a hushed voice, "you're killing yourself with this shit.'' "Why don't you shut up ? I live however the fuck I want.'' I chuckled, "How much you got?" He showed me a whole wad of cash. How people get their bag isn't my business. My eyes widened at the sight. He wants the premium goods. We exchanged items.

   "Pleasure," Jerry said closely. I waved my hand at the smell of him, "Always". I smiled slightly. Jerry had a good life before he started drugs. I would see him walking down the street with his wife and kid. But hey, again, that's none of my fucking business.

   I walked out the alley sadly. Sadness always loomed over me as a cloud covers our bright star during the rain. I myself didn't do drugs, I didn't wanna die unfulfilled. It was a quick way to make money. But, you know, based on Jerry I think I'll be good for now.

   I stepped in my apartment to a peculiar smell. ''James take your ass outside, you're not smoking in my fucking house.'' James came downstairs with a cigarette in one hand. He burned it out on my wall leaving a black mark. "Come on, you know you love me, Alyssa.'' He said rubbing against me. I cherished him as much as breakfast on a school day.. I rolled my eyes, "I love my job more than I love you'' I pushed him off me. James scowled.

   He and I lived together in my small apartment. James is a delinquent plus college dropout and I'm a mistake. His parents died when he was a month old in a car crash and mines put me up for adoption leaving me without protection. We both had the strenuous delight of being in foster care from early ages. "I don't even know why I put up with you.'' James came closer to me, yet again if I might add, and I punched him in the arm. He winced in pain. The only relationship James and I had was being housemates, nothing more. I would kick him out if I didn't feel sorry for his ass. It's depressive that he's my closest thing to family though.

   I went to the grocery store and bought 10 boxes of macaroni and cheese. One of my favourite foods. That would last us a little over two weeks. I always got weird stares in public. Mostly because I'm usually told I look like a middle schooler, even though that's untrue in my opinion, plus I'm a senior. But hey, at least I wasn't sagging. A lady walked up to me, ''You seem young, your parents sent you here alone?'' I turned in disgust, ''Nope. They're dead. Hopefully, now piss off!" She  hurriedly walked away in a furious fashion. I might have anger management problems but, did I give any fucks? Not one.

   Later in the day, I made 2 boxes of macaroni. I always added extra cheese and milk, that sorry excuse for cheese in powder form didn't work out too well for me. God I'm starving! After it was done I put out 2 bowls on the table. One full the next empty. "Get it for me baby'' James winked. I groaned, scrunching my nose, ''take that stick out your ass and get it yourself''. I watched as James went to scoop out his food whining like a baby. Jeez just shut the fuck up. I put a slight smile on my face because for once James did something for himself. You're wrong for that my conscience said. I cackled sinisterly.

   It was time for bed and James crawled in to mine,"Please just one good night blow," he had a fake and shitty grin on his face. ''Suck your own sausage, and while you're at it, suck mine ''I said with sarcasm. James bent down trying to reach his mouth to his bottom half. I gagged at the sight. How absolutely revolting. "You damn imbecile'' I screeched. He frowned and headed back to his bed, his head down low. He put up the birdie as a way of saying 'f*ck you, Alyssa.' You wish..

   I was finally able to have a rest..

   There's nowhere to escape, Alyssa. Nowhere.

   I woke up in a cold sweat, tears in my eyes.

   "Are you okay? You seemed scared, do you wanna cuddle?''James said with his sausage still out. "Shut up and go back to sleep, you asshat. And for the love of-*gags* put on some damn underwear!'' He shook it with his hand, "you know you want-'' .

   I cut him off, "To slice it off...clean.. Yeah you're right." He immediately put it back in his pants. It's not like it would make a difference you're tiny anyways. I snickered. Soon I found it in me to go back to sleep.
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   I woke up bright and early.

   Of course I need an education so I went to the cheapest thing I could find, Hawk-eye High. It wasn't a bad school but the people were pretty fucked up. At least in my perspective. I obviously have no friends so I get labeled 'the loner'. As I walked into class Mr. Joseph greeted me with a wink. I was wearing a cropped tee with baggy ripped jeans and a long jacket.. He looked up and down my body going over every curve. "Why hello, Ms.Smith ". Ughh this fucker. "Hello Mr. Joseph." He covered his pants making it apparent he had a boner. Perv. I concealed my whole body with my jacket as I stared at him with a fiery look in my eyes.

   I finally took my seat. An hour later that class was dismissed. I headed to my next four and school was done. Today was my last day before summer break.

   School was officially over.

   Everyone was overjoyed talking about all the parties they're gonna crash. I silently went home to prepare.I started to worry about college. I had a 3.9 GPA and got a scholarship from Juilliard so I was set. I mostly worried about James, sitting here all alone whilst I went away. He told me he'll be fine and I can trust him with my work. I felt this sudden urge to believe his every word.

   I shivered at the thought..

   I'll start a new life and put everything behind me. I have another chance. "James the job is yours. The client's money, everything. This can't be my life anymore.'' He cackled,''Are you for real? "You have such a dumb-ass laugh." Yes. James, the job is yours.''

   He pushed me against the wall, his lips against mine. I grunted''James get the fu-Oh my gosh!'' Right then he deepened the kiss. His actions became more and more vigorous. My whole body started to quiver as I become more and more scared. I had to do something, I had to make it stop. I grunted again in discomfort as he was still forcing himself on me, ''J-James I-mhm d-don't l-like this.'' He was brainwashed by his own pleasure. I gained enough strength to push him off. With one quick swipe I slapped him across the face. ''You fucking DOG!" I buckled back my jeans and stormed outside. Flashbacks of my past came rolling in. What did I ever do?!

   James came running towards me, "Alyssa wait!"

   I slammed the door behind me, my body temporarily frozen. I could feel my blood boil, my fists were aching. My chest moved in and out as I took deep and heavy breaths.

   I was furious.

   I lay on the hood of a car, contemplating life.

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Well, that chapter's done. Not the best I've done I'm sorry it's kind of short 😓

I will update when I can :p

- Ur beloved writer < 3