The Doppelganger

Effete

💞💧'Love is an eternal flame, once it is lit it will continue to burn for all the time, even when it is buring us from inside out, it still prevails.'💞💧

~Jannet~

The weather is bright as I make my way to the college building. Everybody is excited about the sun. The warm weather gave the building a beautiful look. The garden seemed to be shining under the sun, the fragrance of the roses saturating the air. The sound of the birds made it even more pleasant.

In spite of the clear weather outside, my mind was filled with immense gloom. The beautiful things were no longer beautiful. The fragrance of the roses were not lovely enough. The sound of the birds were not pleasant enough. Everything was just the opposite of what I experienced three days ago.

I tried my best to hide my sadness. I didn't do a good job with it during the previous days, but today I am determined to act happy. Well, that was not the correct word. I will at least try to be a bit more approachable. Happiness is far beyond my reach presently.

I groomed myself nicely today. I chose a pink dress and put on an acceptable amount of makeup. I dyed my hair blonde for a change and ironed it straight. I even put blue contacts on. Yeah it was a drastic change. Everybody was gaping at me as I passed by. Some even commented on my looks.

I was starting to kinda like the attention. I don't care if I looked like a reloaded version of barbie. All I know is that this makeover is giving me a newfound self confidence. People may think I am crazy which I really am. I smiled to myself at my joke. Aah..a smile. It's been a while since that particular thing crossed my face. But now as I was turning to the canteen to get an expresso, I feel genuinely fine. Yeah just fine. Not happy. I feel like I can handle this situation after all.

As I turned away from the counter I bumped head straight into someone. It was Caroline. Derek, one of her friends was also with her. I know him from my physics class.

"Hey! Thank God I didn't spill anything on you." I said.

Caroline looked slightly confused first, then her eyes widened with shock.

"Woah." She breathed. "You look really different. I couldn't recognise you at first."

"Yep, you are shining." Derek beamed at me.

"Oh yeah I did a whole makeover." I laughed and turned to Caroline.

"Well, what do you think." I held my arms a little high and took a step backwards to give her a full view of me.

"You are stunning. And when did you learn to walk in those heals. You really look a lot different." She said.

"I wanted a change." I shrugged.

I decided to stand there and chat with them for some time. It was comfortable there, and I thought it would be nice if I kept on keeping me busy with some thing or the other so I won't get a chance to think about anything. Especially about that night. The pain that it causes me is just so damn depressing to handle.

As Caroline was blabbering about some guy she met recently, I made the mistake of looking at the entrance of the canteen. I saw him coming inside with a friend of him. He was wearing a yellow shirt which reflected the sunlight on his auburn hair, making it shine bright, almost giving a red tint.

So much for trying to be normal. Why didn't I predict this? One look at him and everything changed. The worst part is I don't feel the sadness that I have been feeling at the hostel room now. I actually feel relieved. I feel like I have been stuck in an ice box for hours and finally somebody rescued me from there. I felt a wave of happiness washing over me.

This guy was really magical. Whatever he says or does that is supposed to hurt me does not seems to affect me when I am near him. But the moment I am away from him, everything comes back in an unavoidable force. I hate saying this but he seems like the only relieve I have even though he is the one who is causing the pain.

But now as I stared at him coming towards the counter, I knew that my pain was not caused by his actions. My pain is caused by his absence and ignorance, which is what I hate also. Now I know that I can never ever hate this boy, no matter what he does, my soul won't allow that.

It is our brain that causes emotions like anger and hate. Our soul knows only one emotion and that is love. And when I am near him, my brain shuts down its emotional part completely and the only thing I feel is the love that comes from my soul.

"Jannet? Did you hear what I just said now?" Caroline's voice gave my senses back.

"Um.." Of course I didn't hear what she said. I was busy deciphering my feelings.

"She was telling that Mr Todd wouldn't be able to take the history class today, so we would be free during the second period." Derek explained.

"Oh." I wondered what I would do then. May be sit I can read in the garden. The weather is nice and I am sure it can calm me down.

"Would you like to do something fun then?" Caroline asked me.

"I am sorry but I think I have some work to finish." Ok definitely needed some time alone despite my efforts to be more outgoing.

"Okay then. See you." Caroline said and walked to her first class.

         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was right. It was really relaxing in the garden. Especially after tolerating a one hour maths lecture.

I took out my copy of 'Like the flowing river'. Paulo Coelho is my favourite author of all the time. His books have the power of solving a lot of my problems. I always find it really inspiring. And this particular book has been helping me to go with the rhythm of my life lately. Without any doubt, I needed something like this to overcome the hurricane my life is creating now.

As I was enjoying my small picnic, I felt someone sitting beside me. I peeled my eye off the book to acknowledge the person and almost had a heart attack.

It was Jackson again.

"You changed like hell. I couldn't even recognise you at first." That was his greeting.
As much as I loved him, this angered me. I changed my attention back to the book.

"I came to apologise." Jackson said after some time.

"Apologise?" Well, that was interesting.

"Yeah."

"For what?"

"For behaving like that the other night. And also for behaving like this lately." He waved his around as if it explains everything.

"Behaving like that. Behaving like this. What do you mean?" I was determined to joke him around for a while. After all he was doing that the whole time to me.

"I was friendly to you for some time and then I lead you and all of a sudden I disappear. I know it was a terrible thing to do and I am sorry. You don't know how guilty I am. I should have never done this." He said.

"Well..Do you have a reason for your actions?" I tried to maintain my serious tone. His appolgy was making me weak. I wanted to forgive him for whatever he has done. I loved him too much. But I needed a reason or the question would always haunt me.
He seemed to be thinking deeply and then shook his head.
"I..no..I don't know."

"What?" Now I am really becoming irritated.

"I can't tell you the reason. I apologised. I thought that was enough." He snapped at me.

"No, it isn't." I stood up and gathered my things to go. I have had enough.
"You know what. That is it. Don't talk to me again. I neither want your appolgy nor your reason. I am better off without you."

I stormed out to the parking lot without turning back. I put as much distance between as I can so that my anger wouldn't fade before I am away from him.