Olly And Ben

Part Two- Friends will choose sides

The thing is, I was sure I had forgiven Ben. I had even been somewhat happy for him the moment I thought he had found the love of his life, even though he is mine. However, he hadn't found the love of his life because they had broken up. At the time I found out from one of our mutual friends who had accidentally let it slip during game night. Ben had stopped coming to those by then. I don't know if he would hang around the rest of the gang when I was not around and I did not bother to ask. But I was pretty sure that our friends had chosen me. After all I was the poor little helpless kitten who was left wounded by the ruthless dog. Ben is a dog. And I love that I am the chosen.

The thing is if you are in a relationship and the both of you share a friend group, when you break up  the friends will choose sides. They have to. They will either all opt for one side, or each person in the group will choose the partner they support or have always liked more. And the squad will completely demolish. It seems they all opted for me. He he he he he.

As sure as I was that I had forgiven him, I know I was wrong. Maybe I was simply lying to my myself or maybe it was because I hadn't seen him in so long. Seeing him again is bringing everything back. Everything. And I am trying my best to not let all those memories overtake me.

Ben and I had the kind of relationship that all our friends wished for. We were so perfect together. Well at least I thought. Corny as it is, I can say with confidence that he knew me better than I knew myself. He could decipher my every mood before I did. The way we ended was so strange. I still remember him telling me that he couldn't anymore right before she knocked on the door. Till this day, I don't know if it was a coincidence or they had it all planned out to make sure they really got the message across. Whatever it was, they really got the message across. I left and never returned. Till today, I hadn't seen him again.

Running into him felt like an outer body experience. He nearly knocked me over and the moment he held onto my shoulders while apologising profusely, his scent flooded my insides. I was drowning while being hit repeatedly in the face. I can still feel the rush I felt. Staring at those shiny eyes. His eyes. They are my favourite features of his. Black like the midnight sky and shiny like glass in the sun. I'm thinking of him again.

The sky has been gloomy the whole day and it starts to rain. Luckily I am in my building's parking lot and I quickly run in. Sitting alone in my flat, the feelings are begin to sink in. I really just had a whole conversation with Ben. Where he apologised. And I acted like I could not care less while I was being demolished from the inside. Just as the day he left me, I try to cry. Maybe that would make it hurt less. But there is no tear in site. I'm all bleak inside.