Desperation (18+) ✔️

3. Reid

I did more than just think about it.

In the past couple of weeks, I've watched enough Dom/sub porn and read enough BDSM erotica to be certain of two things:

1) I am, without a doubt, submissive.

2) I want Vic to dominate me.

The smut and porn turn me the hell on, but when I try to imagine anyone other than Vic being the one to control me, it feels wrong.

I've scrolled through Grindr profiles; I'm sure it would be hot to hook up with one of the dominant tops on there. And I know Vic's friends would take perfectly good care of me... but the fantasies with Vic are incomparable.

I remember feeling so comfortable in his studio. I'd probably be super self-conscious with anyone else. Not to mention, he got me to subspace with the bare minimum.

After stalking BDSM forums and learning more about it, I know what happened was genuinely special.

And when I think about Vic actually touching me, getting me off... using me to get himself off... I know that if I ever got to actually experience it, I'd come harder than ever before.

In the past few weeks, I've gotten more use out of my dildo than I have all year. And I'm only just realizing how unsatisfying my sex life has been since, well... ever.

I want to feel that light-headed rush again... but I also want Vic to look at me with those intense, wondering eyes. I want the intimacy of aftercare when we're done.

I just want him. I want Vic.

But does he want me back?

In all the years that we've been friends, Vic has never hinted at wanting more. I'll admit, that was a little hard to take, considering Vic is one of the best-looking men I'd laid my eyes on.

But I got over it almost as quickly as my attraction developed in the first place, and I never looked back.

Until now, that is.

My memories of the photoshoot are a little hazy, but my mind keeps snagging on one particular moment.

When Vic came over and told me to relax my mouth.

I was too lost in subspace at the time, but thinking back with a clear head—I know he liked what he saw. The desire was written all over his face.

But how do I know that he's hungry for me and not the submission he saw in general?

I pull up my sister's contact and press the call button.

"I need you to convince me not to do something incredibly stupid," I tell Angie as soon as she picks up.

"The incredibly stupid part isn't convincing enough?"

"Well, I don't know how stupid it actually is. That's why I called you."

"Ah. Okay... If I can guess the potentially stupid thing in one try, you have to tell Mom none of us actually like her casserole."

I scoff. "Fine. There's no way."

"You realized you want to be more than friends with Vic but you're scared it'll mess up your friendship if he doesn't want the same thing."

"Fuck," I whisper, "...she's so proud of that recipe. It'll destroy her."

"I know. But somebody's got to do it."

"Can I just tell her it's getting a little old and she should pick a new dish to try instead?"

"Fine, whatever," she sighs into the mic, "Can we get back to why you called?"

I suck on my tooth. "How did you know?"

"Because Vic is one gorgeous man who's always had your back and most people wouldn't have been able to resist him as long as you have."

"The thing is...what made me see him this way was physical. And even if he wants...that, I'm scared that's all it'll be for him."

"Uhh, yeah, I'm not following. What happened?"

And this is why I didn't FaceTime her. "Let's just say he was helping me with something and he accidentally made me, uh, experience a new side to myself."

I hear her take a breath, but instead of words coming out right away, she pauses. "Considering the vibes I've picked up from Vic, you just told me way more information than I needed to know about my brother."

"You asked," I mutter.

"Don't worry, I've already wiped it from my memory. Now—do you really think your friendship with Vic is the type that wouldn't survive some unreturned feelings?"

I don't even have to think. "No. It might be a little awkward and definitely a little painful, but we'd get through it."

"So don't you think telling him what you want would be worth it?"

I grin at my phone. "See, this is why you're the best. And I promise to let Mom down easy."