loosing ...Friends

So if you guys proberly couldnt tell by the title .... I'm loosing my only friends ...

Its really hard I mean people are just saying get over it but its not that easy I mean ..I understand people think im proberly just over reacting all of this but its like just so hard to explain but it feels like I'm going back to the begining , where I had no friends ...

And for That whole time without friends I felt so lonely , I started talking to myself and doing stupid things to try get friends .

But then I met these two girls and they got me into stuff like anime , more youtubers and we kind of argued about stupid stuff and we always like to go on video games.
And they always made me laugh .. even when I was so fed up and that's what I really liked about them .

No I'm not blaming it on them that I am loosing them because I know and I hate to admit ...

It's all my fault .

I have been so selfish ever since I met them and I can't belive I was so stupid and I sit here and I think about every day we spent together . and all the funny memories and just its just so hard and people say this is normal this is what happens in life but I feel like I have nothing left .

and I have that horrible guilt now because I have been so stupid and just thinking about it and looking at the pics of the memories I can't help but cry ... It's been keeping me awake every night and its horrible .

I am so angry with myself because of it . And now every night I realise ... they hate me because of it ..
and its just so hard to take in all at.once .

All.of this is all because of me

And I feel just horrible and I hate myself for it and I'm sorry guys you probrely hate me now ..

I just don't even know how

To say sorry

because I know that's not enough ..

Its hard because I'm trying to stay happy .. I want my sister to be happy and its hard not to randomly start.crying and I just want. My famially.to be happy ... And I want my friends to be happy ...even though they hate me ...I hope they will be happy . its.just so hard ...

I'm loosing my friends

And its all my fault ....