Middle School Comedian

Chapter Once: Dewey from Pooey

Hello everybody, and my name is Drew, your favorite middle school comedian. I look like a random guy with fluffy brown hair and glasses. I come from Druggs Creek, Oregon. (Nothing illegal here officer.) and I moved when I was about 6 to Portland.

Now if you asked me to tell you what life in Portland is like, I would probably just say "Avoid the hipsters." Because whenever I turn my back when I'm walking down a street, a hipster will have there plaid shirts and beards and be snapping away with their old cameras. *Cha Ching* *Cha Ching*

Now that's not all that I have to deal with here in Portland, I have another problem I have to deal with, bullies.

Yes it's true parents, kids can get bullied in middle school, what a surprise! (Not really) Anyway, there is this kid at my school named Crabbe Shishone (What a flattering name) who goes around and tries what ever he cans to "fix the schools."

Well that's at least what he says. He says that he is taking out the weaklings so he can start an army of strong people. I know I say I'm a comedian, but with what this guy says, I think it'll be hard to remain with this title.

He himself looks like an oversized pimple. He has his hair slicked back like he's trying to put on gel, and basically messed the heck up. He has so much acne, he must be breaking the law somewhere for being to ugly in public. And he's really chubby, that's all I have to say about his body size, no joke here, he's chubby.

He also hangs out with these freak shows he calls Puny and Fat (Ironically named). I'm pretty sure he only keeps Puny because he was his friend since second grade. I'm not sure why he keeps Fat though. I don't really have to explain what they look like. Just think of the stereotypes of each of their names, and you got them.

Anyway, his gang of his came to me today, and Crabbe was wearing a class clown hat (I'm not sure if he was trying to humiliate me or himself) and trying to imitate me.

"Hello, I'm Dewey, your favorite stupid comedian. I came from Pooey, Oregon. But moved to this crapshoot when I was six."

I hit him with one of my improv jokes.

"Yes, you heard it right here folks! My name is officially Dewey, and I'm from Pooey! Hey, that actually has a good ring to it. Dewey from Pooey, Dewey from Pooey, Dewey from Pooey."

"Hey, hey everybody. This kid actually thinks he's funny. Isn't that sad?"

Only about no one laughed except Puny and Fat.

"Hey! Stop messing with him!" Said a girls voice in a distance who's I instantly recognized.

Hey! Here comes my friends, Gale Bizka and Jonathan Luther.

Gale is a girl with frizzy, brown hair, with buck teeth like a bunny. Jonathan is boy that has brown hair like mine, but his is lot more crazy than fluffy if you ask me.

"Yeah! Stop messing with him!" Said John.

"Hah!" Said the dunce cap wearing, excuse me, class clown crap wearing dunce Crabbe said. "You really think you shorties can intimidate me?"

"Actually, we do actually think we can." Said Gale.

I saw John making X's with his hand and mouthing no to Gale. If you would've asked me, I would say he was saying yes to this.

"Oh look. Another little tiny baby I can rob."

Something made something snap in Gale (I think the thing that was snapping was a mouse trap.) and she made a fist and charged.

Now Crabbe didn't even bother stopping her, he just moved sideways, so instead of getting pummeled by Gale (who was actually pretty strong.) made her trip and fall and like that. BOOM! She falls on the floor with a loud bang.

I ran over to her. "Are you okay?" I said. "It seems like you tripped and fell on air."

"You know, life isn't always a joke." Said Gale.

Me and John looked at each other, normally my jokes made her laugh, but now I think it just made her even more angry.

John mouthed to him. "Let's just leave her alone for a while."