That's How It Continues

  HI GUYS! PLEASE READ THE PART 1 ENTITLED "THAT'S HOW IT ENDS", THIS IS A SEQUEL... SO, YEAH :) HERE'S THE LINK:

http://www.wattpad.com/story/35331670-thats-how-it-ends

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"I like you" I held his hands at the top of the coffee table "I like you to be my best friend, forever"

... and yeah, I turned him down for the fifth time.

"Believe me, I tried to fall in love with you. From the day you told me you love me 5 years ago, I tried to love you. I pushed myself, but it didn't work."

He looked down trying to control his tears but he can't...

"I'm sorry" I started moving my thumb back and forth on his hand to make him feel a little better "I'm sorry for hurting you over and over again. But I swear I tried, I just can't really do it . No matter how much I want to say 'yes', I cant, it will be so unfair in your part. We have to stop this, it's time for you to let me go."

"No!" He gripped my hand "we're still best friends, right?"

Sighed "and after a year, what? You're gonna confess your love for me again, and I'm gonna say no for the 'nth time. It will be just an endless story of a guy who's madly in love and a girl who keeps on saying 'NO'." I held his chin up "look at me"

He looked at me with those teary eyes...

"We have to move on. We have to let go. You have to open you heart to another girl."

"But I can't do it, you know I tried but I keep on coming back to you. I love you. Why can't you love me? What's wrong with me? I love you so much" i kissed her hand "please don't do this to me... I love you more than anything else"

I stoop up. Still holding his hand.

I walked towards me. Lean over his forehead and give him a goodbye kiss.

"I'm sorry"

Then I run away...

It's been months since that happened and I swear that's my biggest mistake.

I lied...

I love him...

I love him so much...

I tried to control but I can't. I've realize that what people say is true, you can't really control yourself from falling.

Yes, at first I tried and somehow, It worked but at time goes on I fell in love with him little by little. I'm just controlling it because I'm scared.

Why?

I had a boyfriend. I loved him but he left me without even saying goodbye. I have no idea. No clue. What went wrong? What happened? Do I have short comings? I did everything to make him happy but he left me without any explanation. Would you imagine how painful it was?

That was years ago. I've moved on.

But still, it stings a little.

I'm scared to fall in love again. I'm scared to get hurt. I have extreme trust issues. I'm scared to be left alone again. I'm scared to have my heart broken for the second time.

I tried to be strong, I tried to laugh and smile in front of everyone, I tried to be positive in this crazy life. Everyone thinks I'm tough, but no, I'm not. I have so many fears. I fear love. I fear committments. I'm scared to fall and no one is there to catch me. No one knows what's inside my heart. No one knows how many times I cry myself to sleep. No one knows what I'm really going through.