How We Began

Part Five

Kuroo had already walked pretty far when he finally stopped to look around. He'd walked straight down the road from the hotel, somehow keeping in mind that he didn't know his way around Kyoto enough to just walk aimlessly. He breathed deeply, and moved to the side so he wasn't in the way. Tilting his head back, he looked up at the dark sky, wishing he could see the stars.

'Has your heart ever really healed?'

Damn. Now that he'd had time to think about it, Tsuki was right. His heart was still healing from his broken engagement from five years ago. It wasn't whole, and he hadn't let it heal completely, if he was honest about it. His ex and he had known each other all their lives, and it only felt natural to fall in love, begin a relationship, and then decide to get married.

He had been so stupidly in love that he never noticed when everything started going sideways. Not until it was way too late to try and fix it. His fiance had reconnected with an old friend from high school, and old feelings had resurfaced. Kuroo had been none the wiser. Not until his fiance had suddenly called everything off, telling him that while he'd always love him, it wasn't anything more than just a best friend. Strictly platonic. He told Kuroo he tried to give more, to love him more, but it wouldn't happen. He was happier with his old friend, who he'd fallen in love with years ago, and then all over again.

Kuroo, blindsided, and not sure what else he could do, had given his ring to his ex, and wished him a happy life. Sure, he could have fought it, but what good would it have really done? Later, once he'd really thought about it, he realized he felt the same way. Platonic love, nothing more. It still hurt, though, and his heart did break. How could it not? Somehow, he even started blaming himself for not noticing, for not seeing the signs. And he'd been holding on to that heartache for far too long.

His aunt had noticed it.

His aunt's friends had noticed it.

And now... Tsuki had noticed it, too.

"Fuck!" he swore out loud, disturbing some of the people passing by. "Pardon me," he muttered, holding a hand up in apology. He turned around and slowly made his way back.

He'd lashed out at Tsuki, who had done nothing wrong, except tell him what he wanted and how much. That he was interested in more; that he wanted more. And Kuroo had let him get close, only to push him away. Tsuki, who was opening up to him, even as he tried to close himself off.

If Tsuki wanted to go back home now, he wouldn't be surprised. He'd royally fucked up. This, after he'd been the one to express interest in the first place.

Kuroo wasn't paying too much attention to his surroundings - at least not much beyond staying out of the road and putting one foot in front of the other - retracing his steps back to the hotel. But a flash off to the side caught his attention; possibly someone taking a picture. Yet, when he looked in the direction of the flash, he noticed a little path that he could swear hadn't been there before. Again, not that he'd have noticed. Still, he was curious to see where it led.

The path was on the grounds of the Inari shrine, and it looked like others had found it before; the ground well-worn and defined. Yet, the further he walked, the quieter it became. Light from the shrine filtered through the trees, so he knew he wasn't isolated, yet the only noise he heard was his own footsteps and the usual night sounds of insects and nocturnal creatures.

Eventually, he came to a stop at a charming, smaller shrine, surrounded by little kitsune statues. Someone had lit incense, which had a calming fragrance that he couldn't quite identify. There were little pieces of paper tied to strings tied between trees: wishes and prayers to the god Inari. Kuroo had to admit it was a very cute little shrine, and since he was here, he might as well pay his respects. But instead, he found himself praying.