So Simple Cey So Simple

Sometimes

Sometimes.., she said. There are some words that are not coming through your mouth. Thinking about them, talking about them, and writing about them. They are all painful  It was my story, she said. Because they were so painful. And you were just ignoring them because you were happy, careless, free, and whatever all the lies. I mean you're supposed to be, right? Otherwise, your life is just passing away and you were in your just in the 20s. Right? she said with the really psychopathic but with the pity smiling. And one tear dropped down to the leg stretching out from her striped skirt. CEY was a happy girl with big brown big eyes and little pink lips with a pointed nose. Maybe she wasn't the most beautiful one for you but she was one of you with thousands of mistakes. CEY just cut my words by yelling at me to say they weren't mistakes, they were just the experiences and lessons to learn. Okay CEY, I am sorry. I am here for you. Okay keep going, she said.  I said to her, It is my duty to tell your story to everybody like you and like us, si CEY? Yes, it is true. But I can't stop myself by fixing your shitty words. Okay, then CEY.  You can just talk here with that italic font. She agreed with me in the end. I know that she needs the courage to say her own words but she is just too shy and maybe a bit sorrowful to do it. 

CEY, was following the same dream since she was 7 years old. Being a fashion designer but not because of the fashion, because of the combination of some elements to being a fashion designer. In her own words, human architecture. The mixture of design, human psychology, communication without words, expressing yourself, and maybe finding your own language without any language. It was the explanation of a fashion design for her. She was loving storytelling and obviously, she had something to tell people by her designs. It was the reason for her to live this life, and resist everything. On the other way without her dream, she was nothing. At least she was feeling like this. And she promised to herself I will keep trying and trying, I will reach it or I will die for this way like she was born for this way.  There was nothing to lose more than her dreams for her. Neither love. But she never stops loving someone too. She was always believing that the best stories are because of the worst decisions. So that made her trouble-maker usually and unnecessarily courageous, maybe. 

She had a lot of friends and mostly they were all her good friends. She had a lot of love that was like an experience and the reason why that she lose her hope for her love. Because she lost the love inside of her or maybe she just gave too much love to the passion and mission of her life. Her dreams. 

All the covid period that passed next to her parents. After all the years that she used to live alone in her home in Milano, It was so weird to stay in her parent's house. She got depression as all we had. It was the first pandemia that she ever had in her life. She thought that It is gonna last forever. They were a broken relationship in her heart and mind. There was the new home that she just moved to and was supposed to leave in a month because of the covid. I just furnished my home and put on my dresses and I was ready for the new home and that pandemia just came out. And you know what? I remember the first day that covid first appeared in Italy. It was like a zombie attack in Milano. People ran to the markets and bought all the toilet paper and all the pasta. There was no mask left, no hand sanitizer left. Cey got afraid and didn't catch her feeling about it because everything happened in a few days. She went back to her parent's house after 3 years of life without the family.  Covid period last a year and you know what happened? Let me tell you that I got the biggest revolution about myself. I did change myself from head to toe. I had a lot of therapies, I cried a lot, I worked out a lot, and read a lot. I learn how to meditate and I meditate every day. There were just me, myself, and I, and were pretty crowded for ourselves. And how much I learn from myself only by listening to myself.  Sometimes the things that we can not change end up changing us.