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Part 3: The Last Day

February 26 1986

Today is my last day here in CALI, LA I'm going to miss my friends and memories. At least the memories part I can take with me. I wish I could bring Melissa with me...god she is heavenly. Finally I banged her yesterday. My-...

It's awkward bringing up a lust and intimate moment with Melissa in my journal. So I rubbed the paper with my eraser and brushed off the rubbings. Let's just leave the two last sentences out. Besides Melissa and I, today is my last day in my hometown. My friends and parents put together a "farewell party". I'm excited, but then i'm not. I want to see everyone, but I wish it wasn't the last time.
I dangle my bare feet over my bed while pressing my journal to my chest. I still had on my clothes from yesterday. Boy was I tired when I got home at 2:00 AM. I shyly yawn and stretch my stiff body. I closed my eyes. Pretending to relive my night with Melissa. One thing that never changed was her beauty and potential. I loved that about her. This is the first girl I had actual feelings for. Unless that's what I think.The other ones I was "with" was not like this. Melissa was different. I actually felt somewhat different when loving her.
Suddenly I felt a vibration against my thigh. My cell phone was ringing with a call in my tight pocket. I whipped it out and answered, without even seeing who it was.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, bro. It's Jase."
My face clenched in annoyance, "oh, hi."
"Look, dude. I know we fought the other day but I just want to apologize. I'm sorry." Jason said with a sincere voice.
I knew he was going to call sooner or later, and I knew I was going to forgive him.
"Bro, we're cool. It's all right man. I'm sorry, too." I smiled.
"Sweeeet. Thanks bro. So! Your party tonight. Should I bring some margaritas?"
I chuckled before responding,"margaritas? Since when did you get fancy with your booze?"
"Not just any Eric. My 666."
"666? Oh, god."
"C'mon man! It's better than a bloody marry. You'll love it. It starts at 8:00 FYI so be ready."
"Thanks Dad." I chuckled again.
"K. Got to gooo. Bye!"
I heard a click and the call was ended.
I put my phone away in my pocket and lay there in my bed. I didn't share any of my fun night with my uncle yet. I should...perhaps before I leave for my plane early in the morning. My eyes close and the tips of my fingers tingle. She felt so good against me...kissing me like that. I mean...she's not the first girl I shared pleasure with. She's just the first one I think actually like. I might want more than just satisfaction. I might want something real with her. Maybe she'll be the only girl willing to get to know me. She seems not scared or afraid of me...
"Eric?" I heard outside my window.
I jumped up and peered carefully through my blinds.
Melissa was standing there with her cute shorts and a long tank top. She was oddly barefoot.
I ran through my house and outside, "Mels!" I ran up to her sweeping her off her feet.
"Agh! Eric! No!" She was kicking to be let down.
I put her down softly and looked into her brown/black eyes.
"What's up, Princess?" I said smiling.
"I heard about your party just this morning. I wanted to check up on you. It's half past noon." She wiped her bangs off her face.
"Oh, yeah. It starts at 8:00. Jason called me earlier and reminded me. I'm okay. How are you?" I asked.
"Just fine. I was missing you from last night."
"I missed you too." I placed my hands on her small waist and pulled her in so our bodies were touching. I looked down on her and she stood on her tip toes to give me a kiss. As she was pulling away I grabbed her face and pulled her back again to my lips. We stood there kissing as if it was just us two in the world. My heart was pounding, and my mind was calm.
"Eric." Melissa stopped our kiss.
"Yes?" I gushed.
"You're going away..." She bit her lip and looked at me confused.
"Yeah? What's wrong with that?"
"I can't see you anymore. Don't you think this would be hard?"
I looked behind her at my Mother's rusted watering bucket in the distance. Since I took that picture it has not been moved. I pondered the thought 'what is she talking about?'
"What? What would be hard?"
"Our relationship."
I took my hands off her waist and took a step back, "we're not together, Melissa."
"Then what was last night about?" She folded her arms tight to her chest.
"It did mean something, and I do like you. But I don't know if i'll be able to handle settling down at the moment." I scratched the back of my neck.
"You've never had a girlfriend before...?"
I stared down at the cracked concrete below my feet. I have been with so many different girls all my life...but I have always been scared of only sticking to one. So I never dated any for that matter. I couldn't possibly see myself being so committed to someone. Melissa was amazing, but i'm not sure if she just is 'the right girl' to settle down with.
"Melissa. This is another discussion. Go home." I turned away and walked back into my house.
Girls didn't matter too much to me in the first place so it didn't bother me leaving her there like that. She might not show up to my party now, but I won't mind. Carefully stepping up the stairs I went to the kitchen to snack on a leftover quesadilla from last week.
"Good morning son!" I felt a small punch on my back.
"Morning Dad." I said with my mouth full.
"Tomorrow is your big day. I can't believe how fast you've grown."
"Yeah." I answered picking my food.
"Are you nervous?" Dad looked at me eagerly.
I swallowed a few more bites before answering, "no? It's just school, Dad."
"Well! Young adults go there! Maybe a more daring atmosphere."
"Daring? Define daring."
"Good morning." my Mom walked in looking pale.
"Good morning love." Dad answered kissing her forehead.
My Mom looked up at me with sorrow eyes, "are you okay?"
"I'll be fine." I ignored looking back at her.
I threw away the rest of my quesadilla and walked out of the kitchen.
••••••
After my long hot shower I towel dried my shaggy brown hair and slipped on my black jeans and a black t-shirt. I walked over to my closet and pulled out my luggage I packed about 2 weeks ago. I had 3 large suit cases containing all of my clothes. Small backpacks and satchels carried just about every other little thing I needed.
I placed it all stacked on one another right beside my door. I checked through my room once again to see if there was anything else missing. Every corner and furniture that once took up space was completely empty. My room seemed bigger, but even more lonely. I won't be missing this place. I'll just miss the attachment and memories with it. The only place I was able to adapt to. I looked in the mirror above my dresser and watched my reflection. Standing there starring into the empty pit of my eyes. Never have I ever thought I would be good enough to even finally leave this house. It'll be harder by myself out there...but at least I will be away from my fears. There will be nothing pulling me down. I look away from the mirror. I want to make sure I don't have any mirrors in my flat. I hate looking at what I hate. I never express my low self-esteem around anybody. Swallowing pride is weak and I hate feeling powerless. I want to be on top of everything. I've always been like that.
I pick my phone up from my dresser and look at the time. It's 5:30 so I have 3 more hours to myself. My satchel lightly dangled off my door knob. My camera safely saddled inside. Instantly I whipped it off the knob and went outside. I knew the perfect way to spend my 3 hours.
•••••••
I lay on my back against the wet stringy grass. Gazing up at the sky through my lens and snapping dull photos of the blue and pink cotton candy sky. As I press my finger on the small black button I hear my phone ringing.
"Agh!" I accidentally drop my camera on the grass when I lean over and grab my phone.
"Yes?" I answer picking up my camera and flipping it around checking for any breaks.
"It's 8:30."
"Who is this?" I picked pieces of grass from my pants.
"Melissa."
"Oh! Oh. Yeah i'll be there. Bye." I hang up the phone. I smile because she ended up showing.
I drive smoothly back to my run down house. When I pull up I see the lights off and about 5 cars parked at the sidewalks.
"Dang it."
I was just in time for them to jump out and yell 'surprise!' While I pretend to act surprised.
I carefully open the door, "hello?"
I walk up the steps and clench my fists as I see pink and red balloons decorating the whole house.
"SURPRISE!"
The lights flicker on and everyone appears from their hiding places. Someone even took the effort to hide in a cabinet. Of course it was Jason.
"Hey!" I say exchanging hugs with everyone.
When I met Melissa I embraced her tiny body squeezing it, "you came."
"Of course I did silly!" She pressed herself out of my arms.
"I'm so happy to see you." We both smile really big at each other before Jason interrupted.
"Bro!!!!" He patted my back. "Wow. I can't believe how far you've gone."
"Shush." I lightly pounded his torso.
"Everyone!"
I look over to the center of the room where my proud Dad stands.
"Today is the last day where my brave son Eric stands in this town. He'll be flying states away tomorrow early in the morning for college. We're going to miss you son. Peace you've brought to all of us will never fade." My Dad's eyes glistened in the faint light. I look around the whole room and find my Aunt Gee and two of my closest cousins perched on the couch. My grandma and grandpa have presence here too. Of course along with my friends. Two which I haven't talked to in months.
"Your Uncle would be very proud of you Eric." My Aunt Gee says teary eyed.
I smile at her and walk over to give her a hug.
"Well! Let's continue the goodbye's later. My food is getting cold!" Melissa shouted and began placing plate and bowlfuls of food.
Meats, rice, bread, my Mom's cheesy potatoes. Peanut butter bars and peppermint candies. All of my favorite things.
I stayed sitting next to my Aunt. We sat in silence for a bit. I knew what was on both of our minds.
"How've you been?" I finally said.
"Amazing. Eric. Better than I was." She smiled cheekily.
"I'm so happy to hear that. I missed you." I hugged her again.
"Thank you Eric. It is so nice to see you again. You're all grown up and handsome!"
"Agh! Naw. Thanks. W-would you like a plate of food?"
"Certainly! Thank you!"
I walked over to the table with everyone scattered around scrambling for their own plate of delights.
"Eric!" My grandma hugged me.
"Grandma! It's so good to see you." I replied still hugging her.
"Oh look at you! Growing up too fast." She skimmed her wrinkly hand on my cheek.
"Hey boy." My Grandpa came up right behind her also giving me a hug.
"Hi Grandpa. How are you?" I asked.
"Just fine! We're old and everything, y'know. You'll be like us before you know it." My Grandpa and I laughed.
Everyone in the room was bumping around each other. Starting small talk and exchanging cheesy smiles. It's weird seeing a place full of people who care about you. Who will miss you when you're gone. Or at least that's how I want it to be...All my friends were hunched in the corner of the room. I joined them, forgetting about the food. They immediately invited me in. Patting my back, and clinking glasses. My hearing almost blurred and nothing was but a buzz. I looked at Melissa wild eyed. Her bouncy curls wrapped down her body. Jason's smile was still the same, friendly grin after 19 years of knowing him. I looked around at my family. They all seemed happy now, but I know what it's like to see them sad. It agonized my mind to see them that way...and I won't be able to be here. The bones in my rib cage were collapsing. Making room for fears I haven't even dawned on. What will happen when i'm gone? What will happen to me? Was I really leaving? My heart pounded. I had a lump in my throat. I realized that after fantasizing of being alone for so long...I really wasn't ready. I only said it because I wanted to feel powerful. When in reality, I am actually weak.