g r o s s h u n g e r

The gross feeling of hunger bubbled within my stomach as I sat up.

I grabbed my cup as I remembered I had to fill it up. I walk to the sink, run my hand under the water, and fill my cup. I take a sip of the water soon after filling it, the feeling of water running down my throat was a feeling I constantly forget about and how great it can be.

The niceness of it was quickly swapped out with the gross hunger but stronger.

It was weird. I wasn't hungry, my body was.

I could feel the line of mind and body as the nice feeling of coolness in my throat was replaced with a nauseating feeling, slowly creeping up.

I walked to my room and sat on my bed, feeling gross. Not just physically, but of being in my surroundings. My small room being filled with messiness from the box of clothes I still had yet to put away even if we had been in the house since March or April, to the windowsill with cups and cans alike, to the bed that I had been laying in, making a small crease in the mattress.

I sit up, grabbing my laptop, my back hunched from my leaning on my pillow under my laptop I'd grabbed, until my back started screaming to sit up straight so I lied down.

The feeling of grossness in my stomach being replaced with hurt as the minutes went by. At some point, the hurt spred to my lower back.

I decided to do what I always do, distract myself until it goes away until I get reminded of it again, only to distract myself, again and again until I go to sleep and wake up to eat because like hell I'd go get something to eat at 11 o'clock at night when my parents are probably asleep.

The morning eventually does come, and my plan worked, I got food, the day passes by.

The same thing happens again that night.

The hunger, the grossness, the hurt, the distracting, the waiting. Again.